I’ve been asked to write about other types of dating that you can try. In today’s blog I’m going to talk about something people are often nervous about – Blind Dating!

People often try blind dates for the first time due to the help of mutual friends. Perhaps they’ve already tried online dating or singles parties and didn’t have much luck.  Several years ago, before the invention of the internet, blind dates were more common and often arranged by family or family friends. Today, blind dates tend to be favoured by the more adventurous singles – especially those with a good sense of humour.

For some people, blind dating can a but scary.  What if they make a fool of themselves? What if the person you are being set up with a 25 stone oddball with a very large collection of cats?  This fear can often stop people trying new things.  Nowadays blind dates don’t need to be so “blind” as it’s easy enough to do a little “background” work on a potential date.  Once you have got some details about them, make sure you’ve got a full name.  Then all you need to do it run a quick search on Facebook and bingo – you can see their photo!

As the Dating Guru, I’d absolutely encourage blind dates. The advantage of this kind of dating is that you are both doing in on a personal recommendation from a friend.  If you trust their judgement you’ll know that they wouldn’t be risking a friendship unless they genuinely think you would be a good match.  Just make sure you follow basic safety measures.     Always meet in a busy place and make sure you tell somewhere where you are going.    I’d advise you to keep the first meeting short – perhaps just go for a coffee.  You can always arrange to see them again for longer if you like them.  Life is short so you’ve nothing to lose by meeting them for an hour or so. You never know, you might just get on!

Remember that you won’t fancy everyone you meet and you’ll get rejected too. This happens to everyone as we all like different things. Some people like strawberry ice cream and others like chocolate – that’s why there are so many different flavours!  Sometimes it’s kinder to end a date early if you just don’t fancy them or feel a connection.  The important thing is that you don’t allow it knock your confidence.   The way round this is to make sure you always have some more dates lined up with other people, so you have something else round the corner.

One final tip – go on the blind date without any expectations. Instead, go out with the plan to have fun and make a new friend. Anything else is a bonus and you won’t be setting yourself up for disappointment.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

We recently ran a survey on the Single Solution website which asked the question:

“Do you message people first or wait for them to contact you?”

The results surprised us:

I contact them first -  55%
I wait for them to email me  -  45%

We’ve noticed that there that a few very proactive users on the website who contact a lot of people at once.
These members then think its great that they are getting messages, but don’t realise that these people are probably also in discussions with 20 – 30 others too!
So what usually happens is that they send a few messages back and forth but it never actually goes anywhere.  This can be confusing.

The problem is that because they are getting messages they forget to target the people they want.  They think that all they have to do is sit back and wait for people to contact them rather then doing anything themselves.
Just relying on these very proactive members  is not a good strategy!
Instead, always keep in mind that even the very best profiles with the best photos have to keep working at it. There are so many singles on the database that it’s only the ones who make a real effort that will get the results they deserve.  After all, if you wanted anything else in life – such as a job , a car or a holiday – you would do something to make it happen wouldn’t you?  So why should your love life be any different?

So do make sure you always make the first move and contact as many people you like.

James Preece – The Dating Guru
www.singlesolution.com

Last Saturday we had our bug Single Solution Spring party and we are pleased to say it was a huge success.

The event took place at one of our favourite venues – The Slug and Lettuce in Victoria – and we had well over 160 guests.

We had optional speed dating, icebreaking activities and a DJ later in the evening which got everyone dancing.

We also had Sarah, our new Style Coach at the event and she proved to be hugely popular with guests queuing up to see her all night.
We’ve had some great feedback about Saturday so here are some of the comments:

“Brill ideas fantastic venue why did i not find you guys earlier!!!”

“Think the parties are well organised and the venues v. good!”

“Too many pretty ladies to pick from!”

“You guys really do organise the best parties in London!”

“Staff:  Very helpful”

“Venue: perfect!”

Our next one is on Sat 15h May at The Abbey and we’ve just confirmed the return of our Magician for this event.

Remember to book up early as we hate to turn people away, but these really do get full quickly!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

I was at a party this weekend and it gave me a idea for this week’s blog.  When you meet someone they usually ask “So what do you do?”

This is the second most commonly asked “speed dating question.”   The first is your name.

Now, many people see this as incredibly boring, especially after the fifth or sixth time!  However, the big secret is that this is actually the very BEST question you can ask.

Don’t just state that you work in IT, or talk about how boring your life is. Most importantly, don’t give a one word answer.

Instead, use it as an opportunity to really sell yourself.  Think about how you can impress the person you are talking to and what you can do to help others.   For example, I tell people that I “Bring people together and help them find love.”

If you are an estate agent you might say “I help people moving into a new area to find a new home.”  Or a teacher might say ” I help children get the best start in life.”    This brings your job to life and makes it a talking point.

If you really can’t put a positive spin on your career then think about various interesting life experiences you have had and use the chance to talk about them instead.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

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Hi James

I hope you are well? – I am looking for some advice

I am 37, divorced, and have a 5 year old son. I had an arranged/ introduced marriage. The conclusion of this, was that I married the wrong girl, but the great thing was my son. I am separated for over 2  years, and am legally divorced, and awaiting for the financial separation to be concluded.

I hope you can appreciate that it has taken me about 12 months, to even walk outside of the house, and immmersed myself in work. I have regained alot of confidence, lost weight, and havn’t felt physically this good in years.

Here I am now, that I believe that I am not old, I still have the opportunity to find the “right” woman. This is the first time in my life I am being selfish, in the divorce, and getting my life back, I love my son very much. He is apart of me, and am never going to let him go.

I am really struggling to find / meet women that are willing to accept that I have a son. I have worked it out it is my relationship with with ex wife that is the problem, not my son. Indian girls are not willing to accept this, as in our community I am a social outcast.

I am very confident, sucessfull man. I have figured out what I want, and even to an extent what women want. I am mature, sophisticated, intelligent. Nothing would make me happier than to meet my equal in life, and someone in that we can make each other happy.

Though, I have been on few first dates, and I can talk to women, approach them, but basically nothing. I go to many social events, I find them better than the internet method

So what do I do? – it is very difficult to handle, and am thinking of taking myself out of this, and giving up, but the desire not to give up (I am very determined and driven person), is keeping me going, but the knock backs are begining to hurt.

I am really not sure what to do. I know my life is going to be tough, but I really want to meet someone!

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Many thanks for your email – I’m only too happy to help.

Firstly, well done for taking steps to get your life back on track.  It can be so hard to regain focus after such a bad experience.  The positive thing is that you’ve got a son who you are clearly so proud of.

Let me reassure that not all women will be put off by the fact you are divorced and have a child.    Attitudes are changing.   A few years ago as site like ours was considered “taboo” but now it’s the market leader for professional Asians and more and more people are joining that ever before. Stop thinking of yourself as an outcast and realise that it actually works in your favour.   It shows that you are capable of reproducing which subconsciously makes you more attractive to women who want kids of their own!   Many studies have shown that “fathers” are considered more loving, compassionate and intelligent that men without children.

The important thing to do is to mention your son in your profile.  Yes, there are women who will stop reading at that point but most will want to keep reading.   If you make it very clear from the outset ( rather than a secret you have to announce later) you’ll only be talking to women who you can have a long term relationship with.

I’ve had a good look at your profile and you seem to be getting lots of interest which is fantastic.  I know one or two of the women you are going to be meeting and they are lovely.

Oh, and you really ought to write more about yourself in your profile.   Your emails are great that you send out but do run them through a spell checker as women can be quick to judge on that

You say that you enjoy the events so keep going with that.  We have events all the time and you’ll soon make new friends. Treat it as a social night without any expectations and you never know who you might meet!  Also, accept any invitations that you get and make sure you are putting yourself “out there” as much as you can.

Finally, please don’t give up!  You’ve only been using the site for a few months. Your adventure has only just started to enjoy every moment of being single that you can.  After all, when you meet someone again you don’t want to have missed out on all the fun of dating!

If you’d like any more help then do contact me directly via my website:  www.jamespreece.com

I coach people one to one to get the dating results they really want.

Good luck!

James

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Do you have a dating problem you’d like me to answer?

Get in touch now.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

I often get messages asking where emails have disappeared to on the site.

Well, in order to keep things running smoothly, messages are automatically deleted after 60 days.

However, if the other person deletes the message, or deletes their profile, the the message will also disappear from your inbox/sent.

It’s worth noting that messages in bold haven’t been read yet.  This is usually because they’ve not yet logged in or aren’t able to read messages as they don’t have credits or a membership.

If you are keen to hear from them, it’s always worth sending another message “reply paid” as that might encourage them to write back!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singesolution.com