If you want to get results in anything you need to know exactly what you want.

After all, if you don’t know what you want how will you know when you’ve got it?

So you need to make yourself a dating “shopping list.”    If you want to make a cake or cook a meal you wouldn’t just stumble around the supermarket guessing at ingredients.

Instead, you’d write down everything you might want and the exact quantities too.   It’s the same when it comes to dating.

Who exactly do you want to meet? What’s important to you?  What are the deal breakers and what could you put up with?

It’s fine to be optimistic but you need to be realistic too. The longer the list then the longer it will take to meet someone who ticks all the boxes.  Therefore you must be careful that you only write down the really really important things that will matter in a relationship.   Don’t worry too much about height, weight, age etc but instead focus on the important issues like fidelity, love and truthfulness.   You need to be emotionally compatible.

Once you’ve made your list, put it somewhere that you look often. Perhaps on a mirror or on a post-it note on your computer monitor. That’s why you’ll subconsciously keep looking at it and you’ll ready yourself for when meet new people.

Give it a go and let me know what happens.

Good luck!

James Preece   – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

I’ve got another dating question in my inbox

Keep reading to find out my answers and opinions on this.

“Dear James,

I’m 31 and am I mature student at University.  I’m very focused on my studies.  I’m very shy and don’t meet many boys so haven’t had much experience with dating.  However,  just before Christmas one of my tutors started flirting with me.  I did like him but didn’t know how to handle it as he’s a bit older than me – 45.   He invited me to his flat for drinks but I said I would prefer to meet him in a public place.  After that he’s just been mean to me. He flirts with lots of the women and has been hitting on a 21 year old recently just to wind me up.    I know he’s dated quite a few students in the past.

Should I make a move or just ignore him?  I graduate in May.”

Hi,
Many thanks for your question – I’ll do my best to advise you.

My initial feeling on this is that you are probably best off staying away from him.  He obviously likes the fact that due to his position he can get the interest of much younger women.  For him, it’s all about a quick easy bit of fun.  He probably enjoys playing games and if you don’t give in to what he wants he sulks and moves on to another.

Suppose you did get together with him.  How long do you think it will last?   Will he stay with you for a few months and then move on to someone else once he gets new students?   I’ve come across this sort of person before and they are usually already in a relationship.  A 46 year old man should not be trying to flirt or date a 21 year old girl.  It just shows what kind of person he is and how he’s not mature enough for the proper relationship you deserve.

However…..if you realise that this would only be a short term “fling” and you are completely comfortable with that, then that’s absolutely fine.  I just worry this will make it harder for you to meet someone else in future.
If you really really do want to give him a chance then write him an email or suggest you meet for a drink.   Then you can at least discuss it.  There’s nothing to lose at this point.

I’d suggest you keep this professional and keep your distance.  Focus on your studies until May as that’s the most important thing of all.

Once May is over you’ll soon be meeting new people. You can sign up to some online dating sites like Singlesolution.com  at that point and start going on dates with people who will treat you better.

I hope this helps and do let me know what you decide to do!

Best Wishes,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

Here’s something many people might find hard.

It’s especially useful if you plan to attend one of our Single Solution parties.

If you are at a social event and don’t know many people it can be hard to join a conversation. They all seem to be having a lovely time but you feel like you are on the edge, looking in.

So here are my Dating Guru tips to help make this easier for you.

1) Find a friend. It’s a lot easier to break into a group if you have a wing man/woman with you. So pair up with someone else in the same situation and stick together for a while.

2) Arrive early. it can be tempting to turn up late to a party so you can sneak in as unoticed as possible. However, by that time the other guests will have formed little groups and already bonded. By arriving early you can have a headstart on everyone else and have first choice in talking to new arrivals.

3) Being on your own isn’t a problem. If you find yourself on your own then don’t worry, just take a short while to reflect and enjoy your own company. Go up to the bar and buy a drink and you’ll soon get the chance to meet new people.

4) Smile. This is the single most important thing you can do. If you stand around looking miserable then nobody will want you to talk to them. Look like a warm, friendly person and groups will welcome your positive vibes.

5) Don’t forget that all the Single Solution parties have lots of great hosts to help you. Have a quiet word and say you’d like some help and they’ll do their best to make some useful, discreet introductions.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

It’s that annoying time of year for singles – Wedding season.

Everyone seems to be paired off except for you.

You can really feel the pressure on you as you watch more and more of your friends settle down.  But you are always the one left on your own or dating unsuitable people.

It’s my firm belief that there is someone for everyone out there.  In fact, every day I hear about “long term” singletons finally getting married to the right person.   I’m even about to do it myself.

I can tell you exactly who WON’T find love.  That’s the people who never bother to sign up for a dating site like Singlesolution.com or attend a singles parties. They are the ones sat at home feeling sorry for themselves but taking now action to improve things. If you don’t put yourself out there then how can you seriously expect to meet anyone?

You must make the most of every opportunity and be ready to take them head on.

Just remember to be patient and optimistic.  It will happen for you but need to make sure you are doing everything possible to help it along the way!

Do think about what you like in people and don’t get caught up with rules or a long check list. Don’t rule people out because of a few small negative points. Try to find people with whom, you can engage in a shared experience, activity or hobby that will help you connect on a deeper level. This is important because you have to bond – you are unlikely to find a “ready made” match.

If you every need any help or enouragement then we are always here.

Happy dating!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com