Archive for the ‘Funny Dating Stuff’ Category
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011
Valentine’s Day is almost here and everyone wants to make money from it.
Here are my top 5 Valentine’s funny Valentine’s products:
It’s amazing the things that some companies will develop in the hope of getting a bit of press space this time of year.
1) The heart shaped Half Cucumber. Sainsbury’s has introduced this new vegetable which we can only assume is to be served with a heart shaped salad.
2) The Pie. The “Aphro-piety” mixes chicken thigh, perry cider and asparagus in a lemon-infused cream sauce This delicious Pie is made from aphrodisiac ingredients. So eating it is supposed to get you in the mood for love.
3) “”I’m Just a Love Machine” boxer shorts on sale at Poundland. The perfect romantic gift.
4) Two Steak Meals a bottle of wine for £14.99 at Wetherspoons. Just the place for a candlelit dinner….in the company or all the students and old men nursing their pints.
5) The Gun Swap. Believe it or not, but a shop in Alabama is offering to exchange sex toys for guns this Valentine’s Day.
Personally, if you want to still be together next Valentine’s Day I’d stick to the more traditional flowers and chocolates! If you’ve seen a more ridiculous Valentine’s Cash In – let us know here!
James Preece – The Dating Guru
Thursday, May 6th, 2010
While the UK is gripped with Election Fever, we thought it might be fun to think what we’d do if we ran the country.
Here, for your entertainment, is the Single Solution Party Manifesto:
“A country is at its best when the bonds between people are strong and when we love each other. Today the challenges facing Singles in Britain are immense. Our society is overwhelmed by nauseating lovey dovey couples, single supplements and nagging parents. But these problems can be overcome if we pull together and work together. If we remember that we are all in this together.
Some politicians say: â€˜give us your vote and we will sort out all your problems’. We say: We can help you get more dates. More dates means more fun and more adventure.
Yes, this is ambitious. Yes, it is optimistic. But in the end everything is just politicians’ words without you and your involvement.
How will we expect to find love unless we understand that we are all in this together? How will you get more matches unless every single adult spreads the word about our website ? How will we revitalise the dating world unless people stop asking “When will Mr or Miss Right come to me” and start asking â€˜What can I do to find them?’ Britain will change for the better when we all elect to take part, to take responsibility for our own dating lives â€“ if we all come together. Collective strength will overpower our problems.
Only together can we can we have bigger, better singles parties. Only together can we grow the Single Solution Database. Only Together can we teach people the secrets of what men and women really ought to know about each other. Together we can make dating work . And if we can do that, we can do anything. Yes, together we can do anything.
We promise to bring down the costs of Dating by giving every Single professional £1000 tax breaks. We promise to end Single Supplements on holidays. We promise to keep thinking up new ideas for our Singles Parties and to constantly innovate our Online Dating Site. We promise to help you find a partner…..
So our invitation today is this: join us, to form a new kind of government for Britain.
Join us – the Single Solution Party. ”
Tuesday, February 9th, 2010
Here’s an amazing story thats was so funny and strange we wanted to share it with you.
Apparently a man called Darren in Winnipeg, Canada, was dumped this week after his girlfriend found saucy texts on his phone. The messages were things like ” Booty Call,” “Where U at” and “be there soon.” Not surprisingly, his girlfriend was furious to find them stored on his mobile.
But all wasn’t as it seemed. It turned out that the messages were pre-installed generic texts that came with the phone. He took it back to the shop to complain and demand an explanation.
‘At first, we didn’t believe him,’ said shop assistant Mike Ford, “but when we looked at a couple of the same phones he bought, and found they all had the same messages.’
Darren now wants the phones to be recalled and the messages removed, to stop others from having ‘to go through the hell I’m going through.’
So the lesson to be learnt here is that the first, most obvious conclusion isn’t always the right one!
James Preece - The Dating Guru
Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010
As dating experts, we’ve heard every pickup line in the book. Here are a selection of the very worst!
1) Can I buy you a drink so I look better?
2) Are you related to Jean-Claude Van Damme? Because Jean-Claude Van Damme you’re sexy!
3) I’d marry your cat to get in the family.
4) Can I borrow your library card? I want to check you out.
5) You know, sweetie, my lips won’t just kiss themselves..
6) Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
7) Hey, I’m new in town. Can I get directions to your house?
8) I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen.
9) Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
10) You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
Do you know an even worse pickup line? Email us at email@example.com and we’ll list the best ones here!
James Preece – The Dating Guru
Friday, October 2nd, 2009
We were sent this hilarious email that was supposedly send by a disgruntled guy after a date which we thought you might find amusing. Apparently this sort of thing does really happen! If you have a funnier email we’d love to read it!
Subject: Invoice 6/12/04
Date: Sat, 12 Jun 2009 17:15:59 EDT
On June 5, you agreed to accept dinner, paid for in full, by me, based on your stated offer that we would go out again. In that you have ignored all overtures to said follow up meeting, you are hereby considered in breach of contract.
To that end, you are being invoiced for 50% of the cost of the dinner, pursuant to the offer. For the record, the offer presented you with the option of not going out again and paying for half of the dinner, or going out again and not paying at all. You accepted these terms, choosing to go out again, as stated above, but have since failed to deliver your end of the agreement. In that this was merely a promise to meet, and not a promise to marry, the agreement is binding under New York law and does not require a written agreement (i.e. statute of frauds).
Furthermore, this is absolutely not a joke.
Your share is 50% of $74.51 which is a total of $37.25. Payment in full is expected within 30 days.
You may remit to:
720 Greenwich Street, #4d
NY NY 10012
Thursday, May 14th, 2009
We were very amused to read about a new bra that’s been promoted in Japan called the â€œWedding Braâ€
This amazing bra is aimed at single women looking for a husband. There is a large digital countdown timer on the front and small slot just below it. Apparently, the wearer sets the time to show the date they want to get married and it will then tick down the time until it runs out. The only way to stop the alarm going off is to insert an engagement ring into the slot. If you do that it will play â€œThe Wedding March.â€
While this is obviously just a PR stunt and not intended to ever be manufactured, we can’t help but think that any man would run a mile if they saw a women wearing this. It also looks like it’s been cobbled together by the team from the Japanese equivalent of â€œBlue Peter.â€ We can only hope that she doesn’t intend to travel anywhere by plane.
Jame Preece, Dating Expert for www.singlesolution.com
Monday, March 16th, 2009
There I was quietly enjoying a cup of tea, when â€œbeep beepâ€ goes my phone. Yet, another message telling me that I needed to upgrade my phone.
If you think about it, how many times a day are we bombarded with invitations to upgrade stuff that works perfectly well? Windows is another one. It seems that every day, I am ordered by Window’s to install vital updates for my own security. I wouldn’t mind so much except that sometimes the computer just reboots itself, and closes all the fantastic blogs that I’m in the middle of writing.
Windows is the worst culprit of all, because their new versions are always more system intensive, meaning not just new software is needed, but new, more powerful computers.
I always tried to live by the motto â€œif it ain’t broke, don’t fix itâ€. What ever happened to that one? It seems that part of the price of wonderful technology, is that these companies are continually re-inventing the wheel to earn revenue. Now that’s fine if the functionality is genuinely increased, but is it really? Marginally, maybe, but a phone is really just for talking to each other, and a spreadsheet is for adding up numbers.
Will the next stage be upgrade your wife (or husband)? Well I’m pleased to say, that as one of the leaders in the dating world we have no plans for that at the moment, but who knows what the future might hold.
Tuesday, November 18th, 2008
We read a very interesting article in the Times over the weekend about Celibacy, so we thought we’d share some of the best bits with you.
1. The ingredients that make sex wonderful can also make it destructive. Psychologist Harvey Milkman and chemist Stanley Sunderwirth, authors of Craving for Ecstasy: The Consciousness and Chemistry of Escape, believe that sexual arousal triggers an increase in the release of neurotransmitters in much the same way as drugs and alcohol.
2. Leonardo Da Vinci, Stephen Fry, Cliff Richard, Morrissey, Isaac Newton, Hans Christian Andersen, Stevie Smith, Beryl Bainbridge, Irma Kurtz and Mother Teresa were all famously celibate.
3. If you don’t have sex, you can’t have bad sex. And you won’t have to worry about contraception, sexually-transmitted infections, compatibility, penis size and so on. Which leaves a lot more time for beauty treatments, sports, good books, movies and more.
4. Clara Meadmore, Britain’s oldest virgin at 105 says lifelong celibacy is the secret to her long life.
Of course, you don’t have to be celibate if you don’t want to. We believe that sex is great for keeping fit, gets your heart going and keeps you healthy. Why not come along to one of our events or send out some emails on our dating site and start meeting other singles today
Tuesday, September 16th, 2008
We saw this guy on the way to lunch yesterday.