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Hi James

I hope you are well? – I am looking for some advice

I am 37, divorced, and have a 5 year old son. I had an arranged/ introduced marriage. The conclusion of this, was that I married the wrong girl, but the great thing was my son. I am separated for over 2  years, and am legally divorced, and awaiting for the financial separation to be concluded.

I hope you can appreciate that it has taken me about 12 months, to even walk outside of the house, and immmersed myself in work. I have regained alot of confidence, lost weight, and havn’t felt physically this good in years.

Here I am now, that I believe that I am not old, I still have the opportunity to find the “right” woman. This is the first time in my life I am being selfish, in the divorce, and getting my life back, I love my son very much. He is apart of me, and am never going to let him go.

I am really struggling to find / meet women that are willing to accept that I have a son. I have worked it out it is my relationship with with ex wife that is the problem, not my son. Indian girls are not willing to accept this, as in our community I am a social outcast.

I am very confident, sucessfull man. I have figured out what I want, and even to an extent what women want. I am mature, sophisticated, intelligent. Nothing would make me happier than to meet my equal in life, and someone in that we can make each other happy.

Though, I have been on few first dates, and I can talk to women, approach them, but basically nothing. I go to many social events, I find them better than the internet method

So what do I do? – it is very difficult to handle, and am thinking of taking myself out of this, and giving up, but the desire not to give up (I am very determined and driven person), is keeping me going, but the knock backs are begining to hurt.

I am really not sure what to do. I know my life is going to be tough, but I really want to meet someone!

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Many thanks for your email – I’m only too happy to help.

Firstly, well done for taking steps to get your life back on track.  It can be so hard to regain focus after such a bad experience.  The positive thing is that you’ve got a son who you are clearly so proud of.

Let me reassure that not all women will be put off by the fact you are divorced and have a child.    Attitudes are changing.   A few years ago as site like ours was considered “taboo” but now it’s the market leader for professional Asians and more and more people are joining that ever before. Stop thinking of yourself as an outcast and realise that it actually works in your favour.   It shows that you are capable of reproducing which subconsciously makes you more attractive to women who want kids of their own!   Many studies have shown that “fathers” are considered more loving, compassionate and intelligent that men without children.

The important thing to do is to mention your son in your profile.  Yes, there are women who will stop reading at that point but most will want to keep reading.   If you make it very clear from the outset ( rather than a secret you have to announce later) you’ll only be talking to women who you can have a long term relationship with.

I’ve had a good look at your profile and you seem to be getting lots of interest which is fantastic.  I know one or two of the women you are going to be meeting and they are lovely.

Oh, and you really ought to write more about yourself in your profile.   Your emails are great that you send out but do run them through a spell checker as women can be quick to judge on that

You say that you enjoy the events so keep going with that.  We have events all the time and you’ll soon make new friends. Treat it as a social night without any expectations and you never know who you might meet!  Also, accept any invitations that you get and make sure you are putting yourself “out there” as much as you can.

Finally, please don’t give up!  You’ve only been using the site for a few months. Your adventure has only just started to enjoy every moment of being single that you can.  After all, when you meet someone again you don’t want to have missed out on all the fun of dating!

If you’d like any more help then do contact me directly via my website:  www.jamespreece.com

I coach people one to one to get the dating results they really want.

Good luck!

James

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Do you have a dating problem you’d like me to answer?

Get in touch now.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

” Dear James, I’m a divorced 34 year old single mother.  I have a Masters Degree, a job that I love and own two houses. I have reached a time in my life where I would like to start dating and maybe get married again one day. So far, I have had a hard time meeting mature men my own age. My friends assure me that I’m a great catch – beautiful, great catch, funny, good personality etc.  However, the few guys I’ve dated have called things off for really odd reasons. I had one date that I felt went well. Later that night he sends me a TEXT MESSAGE to say “the conversation was great and you’re a beautiful girl. But, you being a vegetarian is a deal breaker
for me.” Other situations didn’t fare much better. I find it very very very hard to believe that being a vegetarian is that much of a turn off to somebody. Where is a good place to meet a mature man in his late 30’s (no bars please!).  Is Online Dating really that safe? Please can you help?  M”

Hi M,

Many thanks for your question.  It’s something I get asked all the time so I’ll definitely try to help   You need to know that you are not alone and there are huge numbers of women in the same situation.

Let’s get right to the point.  You are right, it was probably nothing to do with being a vegetarian.  ( Unless he was a butcher?!)   It’s much more likely that these men are getting cold feet simply because you have a child. I know, it’s very unfair, but not many younger men are mature enough to handle it. They aren’t ready to take on extra responsibility and will want to have kids of their own a bit later in their lives. Some even have a hard time looking after themselves right now!  Not only that but they will be paranoid about your ex-husband popping back on the scene at some point, even if he isn’t at the moment. It’s not just you who they are dating, but three of you.  They don’t want to hurt your feelings and tell you this directly so they make up crazy excuses instead.

Oh, and to top this off, there are men who will even be intimidated or insecure that you’ve got a great job, your own place etc if they’re not sorted their own lives out.

But don’t worry, once men get a bit older and grow up a bit, they can be quite happy to settle down. There are many decent men in their 30s who would jump at the chance to date you, it’s just a matter of finding them!

So, what do I suggest? Find out if there are any singles events in your area. Most busy cities have them each week and most men are professional and settled.  Theatre trips, casinos and wine tastings can be fun ideas -it’s not just about bars.  At the very least you will make some new friends and have a great night out.

Online dating is definitely your best way forward.  Firstly, you can state clearly that you are a single mother so you’ll only be contacted by men who are happy with that. If you are told you are beautiful then why not use that to your advantage and put up some great pictures to get attention? Remember to be proactive on the dating site too. You can’t just wait for people to contact you. Take action and you’ll soon have them queing up to date you Safety isn’t really an issue on the decent dating sites. Just remember not to give out your surname, real email or phone number until you are sure you are interested.  Trust your instincts, meet in a safe busy place you know and always tell a friend where you will be.

Finally, another great idea can be to get all your friends to help you. Tell them what you are looking for and ask if they know any great guys. People love challenges like this and you never know you might meet.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru
www.singlesolution.com