This week’s blog is all about something I know a lot of people find hard.  Every day you see lots of interesting people that you’d love to start a conversation with.  You imagine what it might be like to get to know them. Perhaps it might lead to a new friendship or possibly more.  But how exactly do you approach them without coming across as a nutter or getting rejected?

There’s no big secret to this, it’s all about “attitude”    Approach them with the aim to just have a friendly conversation rather than anything more.   If you put too much pressure on yourself you’ll just make it awkward.

One of the most important things to remember is to be spontaneous. Don’t even think about whether you should talk to them or not – just do it!   You don’t have to fancy them as every approach is just practice for the next one. Above all, have fun.    If you can get their attention right away when they aren’t expecting it they won’t have time to be defensive.

I suggest you approach people everywhere except clubs and bars ( as they will be on their guard and “expecting” to be approached.)   The best places are bookstores, supermarkets, public transport and coffee shops. Many many singles  hang out in coffee shops during their lunch hour. Just sit in one for a while and watch who comes in.

Finally, when you do approach them, have a question to ask them.  Ask them which coffee is best as there are so many choices, or if they have read a certain book.   It doesn’t really matter WHAT you say, just make sure you smile and put them at ease.  Don’t ask questions that rely on simple yes/no replies as you want to get into discussions with them.

The more people you approach then the easier it will be next time. Before long it will just come naturally and you’ll find they will  even approach you first!

There’s a fantastic course aimed at men which I do recommend you have a read of, which teaches these skills in more detail:

http://tinyurl.com/ya89j5a

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru
www.singlesolution.com

In today’s blog I’m going to be focussing on some of the very worst things you can put in your profile.  These are genuine comments that we see each and every day, over and over.  I’ll tell you what they are and explain quickly why writing them can be a VERY bad idea:

1)”Timewasters need not apply”    You aren’t inviting people to view a car, but to meet you.  Don’t be bossy, but try and come across as warm and friendly.

2)”I can’t believe I’m doing this”   This shows instant negativity which is a big turn off to most people. You are suggesting that you are embarrassed to be on the site and therefore hinting you are embarrassed to be contacting them.

3) “I’m not going to say what I want, but what I DON’T want!”  Again, instant negativity.  Why not spend the time writing about what you do like, rather than what you don’t.

4) “You’ll be paying”!   Are you just after them for their money?  Never write this, even if it’s just as a joke.

5) “I give great massages”"  Do you really.  We haven’t even spoken yet and you are already getting overtly sexual. Bad idea!

6) “I am a funny, clever person with a good sense of humour”  The irony of this is that funny, clever people would never write this in their profile – instead they would write something funny and clever!

7) “Ask me for photo”   You clearly can’t be bothered to put one up so why should anyone be bothered to ask?

8 ) “Hello how are you?”  This is just incredibly dull, especially if it doesn’t lead on to something wonderfully interesting…..and they rarely do.

9) “Lol!”   You aren’t a teenager, you are a successful, intelligent adult, so never write things like this. You already know that you should avoid text speak….don’t you?!

10) “I’m not a paying member”   So why are you even on the site?   Would you sit outside a gym and tell everyone you aren’t going to pay but you expect to still get fit? This sort of comment guarantees automatic suspension so never ever write it!

If you’ve seen event worse profiles than these then do comment on this and let us know!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

Everyone knows that gyms can be great places to meet other singles.  They can attract, healthy, sociable people who care about how they look and you’ve already got something in common. But things just aren’t that easy!  For starters, most people are plugged into their Ipods which makes conversation almost impossible.

However, if you know the secrets then you soon start having much better success rates. Here are some of my top tips to help you :

1)  Keep an eye on people’s  jewellery.  Stay clear of wedding rings, but other jewellery like necklaces and big watches can work as  a great icebreaker. Just ask them “doesn’t that get in the way?!”

2) Join a class. People don’t wear headphones and you’ll get to talk and get to know the other class members, both before and after the session.

3) Never ever be sleazy or take things too far.  There’s a fine line between catching someones eye or leering at someone in tight spandex.  If you want to be able to go back, keep things low key and friendly.

4) The best time to approach someone is when they are “between” sets or machines or by the water fountain.  I’d never recommend interrupting someone when they are on a cardio machine.  It’s dangerous and if you stop them they’ll just get annoyed.

5) Here’s a great tip to break through the dreaded Ipod barrier. Lots of gyms have free postcards, so find one and write “Hello!” on the back in big letters.

Walk up to someone you like who is wearing earphones, smile at them and hold out the sign.

Most people will be amused and intrigued enough to stop what they are doing and chat to you.

6) Watch out for the people who aren’t trying to hard. They are there for the attention, not for a serious workout so they’ll be more open to talking to you.  They are easy to spot as they’ll be walking on the treadmill, lifting extremely light weights or stretching. They are usually also watching out to see who is looking at them too!

7) Smile. Yes,  it seems simple, but many people at the gym don’t bother smiling. When you catch their eye, instead of blushing and looking away -  smile.  You might just entice them to come talk to you.  If you look friendly and approachable then other people will want to come and chat with you too.

8 ) Go during weekend evenings. If they are at the gym at that time then there’s a pretty good chance they will be single.  Anyone in a relationship would probably be with their partners as this is peak “couple” time!

9) Take time to befriend to the receptionist when you enter and leave the gym.  If you bond with them, they’ll often have the inside scoop on who is single, who is dating who and what times the members are usually there.

10) Become a Regular. Exercise increases your libido and you’ll look better.  So, the more you go to the gym then the fitter you’ll get and the more people you’ll get to know.  If people see you are popular this acts as “social proof” and they’ll want to get to know you too.
Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

I often get people telling me that they are “burnt out” from having too many dates. Others don’t seem to be having any. So what’s the right ratio of dates?

Well, this all depends on what you are doing and with whom.  If you are having amazing nights out and great new life experiences then you can never really have enough. However, if you are out every evening on boring, dull dates then something is going wrong and needs fixing fast.

A lot of this is just about having the right attitude. If you go on a date wishing, hoping and dreaming that they will be “the one” then you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  Rather than put the pressure on both of you, decide to go out and just see what happens.  Perhaps you’ll get on well and continue to see each other or maybe you’ll make a new friend.

If, on the other hand, you just don’t have to see anyone. If this is the case I’d suggest you take another look at your priorities.  Are you letting work get in the way or your lovelife?  Does making money take priority?   Have a good think about what’s most important to you. If you spend too long working then you’ll never meet anyone.

I’d suggest you have arrange a couple of dates every week. No more, no less.  They don’t have to be extravagant, whole evening encounters so don’t panic.  Instead arrange short one or two hour meetings. This will give you the chance to get to know each other but not give you time to get bored or distracted.

If you find yourself getting tired from all the energy you are putting into dates, then feel free to take a week or two off.

Just remember - dating is supposed to be fun!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

As the 14th February approaches, many people’s thoughts turn to Valentine’s Day.   For some, it’s day to enjoy with a partner, but for many singles it can be quite a depressing time!  In fact, some people refer to Valentine’s as Singles Awareness Day…aka SAD.

But it really doesn’t need to be that way.  In fact, it can be the best day of the year if you in the right mindset.

Here are some top tips to help you get the most out of it:

1) Instead of feeling frustrated for not having a significant other to spend the day, singles can spend Valentine’s Day in a constructive manner by expressing love and affection for people around them.  Be greatful for the people you have in your life, not the ones you don’t.

2) Be your own Valentine.  Give yourself a special treat, such as booking a spa session, cooking your favourite meal or buy a new outfit. You need to be able to love yourself before you can ever truly anyone else.

3) Do not define yourself by your relationship status. Your relationship status is not your identity!

4) For the ultimate feelgood factor, do something great for somebody else.  You’ll feel amazing if you go out of your way to help another person. Perhaps you could have tea with a lonely elderly relative or donate your time to a local charity.

5) Get out there and enjoy yourself.  Valentine’s Day if probably THE best day of the year for singles.  You’ll have more free cash, more time and less pressure than couples, so make the most of it!  Get your other single friends together and hit the bars where all the other singles will be partying.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

P.s The Single Solution will be running two big London Singles parties on Saturday 13th February 2010.  Book up now and join over 300 gorgeous guests.

Ok, so you went on a first date and are wondering what to do now.

When should contact them? What do you say?

The trouble with first dates is that you never know what the other person is thinking.  You might think it was amazing but they just weren’t feeling it.  In fact, they are probably also wondering what to do next.

Firstly, always thank them. It’s just polite. You only need to send a quick text when you get home.

There are now three possible paths:

You aren’t sure if you want to see them again.

Life isn’t easy and you might well have mixed emotions about a date. I’d always sugget a second date if you are undecided but you’ll need time to think it over.   Leave it 24 hours to think carefully about it and then go on to one of the next two steps.

You want to see them again

Excellent!  Let them know you thought it went well and you’d like to see them again.  Assuming they liked you too, they’ll be pleased to have their minds put at rest. Make sure you arrange a second date around one week after your first one.  Any later and you’ll forget the connection, any sooner and you might burn out too quickly!  It can be hard to find things to say if nothing new has happened in the time you’ve been apart.

You don’t want to see them again

It’s hard line between being hurting someone’s feelings and making it clear you don’t have a future.   However, I’d always advise letting them know this quickly so they don’t hold out hope of further dates.  It’s  best to be honest but if you can’t, tell them you thought they were cool but reminded you too much of your brother or sister.

Sometimes you just won’t hear from them again. They’ll disappear and you’ll never hear from them again. You’ll never quite know why but when this happens be happy that you had a narrow escape and get back on track and start dating new people.

Happy Dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

There has been a lot of press recently about how people should “settle” if they want to have any hope of getting married.

So should you make do even if you aren’t completely convinced?

My advice is always to give someone a chance if you feel any sort of connection at all.  The longer you spend with someone
then the more you will start to bond and like them.  If there are a few things you are unsure of, put them to the back of your mind and focus
on the things you DO find interesting about them.

Too many people judge very quickly and dismiss them before they have even got to know them.  You never see the “real” person on a first date as they too busy being nervous about making a good first impression!

Remember, that by it’s very definition, most people are “average.”  So therefore, most people are only going to be “5’s”  Therefore there’s no point holding out for
an 8 or a 9 as they will only be interested in other 8 or 9s.

However, everyone likes different things there can be “equalisers” to help you. We all have our own strengths so make sure you play on them.
Just because you are normal looking doesn’t mean you can’t have an outstanding personality.   Charm, Power, Money, Sense of Humour etc can all
be just as attractive.  Even small things like being a great dancer, an amazing cook, good with kids can be help up your odds in the right circumstances. Work with what you have.

Of course, if you don’t fancy them at all then life is too short to see them again.  Nobody should ever have to settle for second best. Just make sure you are making the most of every encounter and opportunity.

Finally,  we always attract people like ourselves . Be happy, content and make sure you love yourself before you bring someone else into your life.  You’ll soon find someone wonderful.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

With this freezing weather, lack of money and , it can be easy to see why this can be the most depressing time of the year! If you aren’t in a fantastic mood, this can play havoc with your dating life .

Here are my five top tips to feel happier – instantly!

1) Appreciate what you have. If you take a while to reflect, you’ll soon realise you have so many wonderful things in your life. This can include things like great friends, family, good health for example.

2) Make a list of what you have to look forward to. This can be big things, such as holidays, parties or even a pay rise . Your can also list small things that will still cheer you up. This can be a coffee break, favourite television show or cooking a nice meal. If there aren’t enough things on your list then start planning!

By doing this you will be able to start living in the present moment. Many of us worry about what the future holds, so make sure you’ve prepared as many positive things as possible.

3) Play some music. Uplifting, happy tunes can stimulate the creative areas of your brain, providing an instant mood lift. Just make sure the music is upbeat – nothing sad or too slow!

4) Go for a walk. Your physiology determines your emotions so if you start to energise yourself your blood will flow more and you’ll feel much happier very quickly. For double the effect, why not combine this with tip 3 by plugging in your Ipod and strolling through the park?

5) Smile! You might need to fake it at first, but you’ll notice that you can’t help but feel better when you smile. It’s a natural body response. As an added bonus, if you smile at people it makes them feel better about themselves and you’ll find many smile back, boosting your happiness even more!

James Preece – Confidence Coach
www.singlesolution.com

It’s amazing how many people still believe outdated misconceptions about online dating.  They use these excuses as reasons not to give it a go and therefore hinder their chances of meeting some lovely people.  Here are some common myths that I’m going to bust for you now:

1) Isn’t Online Dating just full of losers and weirdos?

Over 50% of singles have tried online dating, so you can’t class that many as “weird”!   Yes, as with any large mix of people there will be a few oddballs, but overall most online daters are busy professionals who just don’t have time to meet people in bars and clubs.   Anyone that gives online dating a go is obviously a little adventurous .

2) I don’t want to put my photo up. What if someone I know sees it?

In order to see your photo, they would have to be on the website themselves.  Most people don’t have an issue putting their photo on social media sites like Facebook, so why would you be worried about a private members site?    A profile without a photo is a bit like sending out a CV without any jobs listed on it – pointless!

3) What if I get stuck on a date with someone I can’t stand?

This is the reason why I suggest you never arrange a drinks or dinner date.  Instead, say you are busy and just meet for an hour for coffee.  If you don’t get on, you can leave. If you hit it off, you can always meet again or “cancel” your other plans!

4) Doesn’t everyone lie on their profile?

I’ m not going to deny that white lies are common – after all the intention is to present the very best possible version of “you”    However, bigger fibs are rare as they are instantly obvious once you do meet.   There’s no point saying you are 6ft2 if you are really 5ft 5 as you won’t get away with. Therefore nobody would dare to pretend they are.

5) Online Dating is too expensive!

Most online dating sites work out more expensive if you only sign up for one month, but almost all sites can work out much cheaper if you do it over the long term. You really do get what you pay for and you are paying for the security, quality and anonymity they site offers.   People are happy to pay for a gym membership or for a theatre ticket, so why not pay a little to boost your love life?

So what are you waiting for?

James Preece  – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

Just because it’s snowing doesn’t mean you can’t keep dating.  There are many things you can do outside that will help make an entertaining and unforgettable date.  Not only with they get your adrenalin going and raise your temperature but they won’t cost you much either.

I’ve put together a few ideas for some brilliant dates in the snow. Just remember to warn your date to wrap up warm!

Snowman Building:   Very simple but very entertaining. Bring along a few buttons, carrots and bbq brickettes. Building a snowman together will help you both bond quickly.

Snow Paint:  This is great fun. Mix some food colouring with water and put it in a spray bottle. You can then take turns to squirt it on the snow and create works of art.

Sledging:  Not just for kids. You can either buy one for about £10 or make your own from a piece of wood or cardboard.

Snow Golf:  You just need a couple of golf balls for this one.  Dig some holes in the snow and take turns trying to get the balls into them. You could even bury some empty tin cans to make the holes even better.

Snowball fights aren’t an especially good idea for a first date, but if you already know them they can be quite flirtatious if done playfully.

Finally, make sure you’ve researched a warm pub or restaurant you can go on to afterwards to thaw out – ideally somewhere with a roaring fire!

James Preece   Dating Coach for  http://www.singlesolution.com