Here’s our secret to making it stick.

Many people made a new year’s resolution at the start of a new year.  This could be to find love, lose weight, get fit, stop smoking or anything you want to change in your life.  However, after a month or so it’s easy to just quit and go back to normal behaviour.

The secret to making it work is to set yourself a SMART goal.

SMART goals are great as they are the perfect combination to help you achieve the result you want.  Different coaches teach slightly different versions of this, but here are my own five simple steps that I believe work best.

A SMART goal should always be:

SPECIFIC:     Write down exactly what you want and you’ll have more chance of getting in. You can’t just say “I will lose weight.”  You have to specify exactly how you will do this. So it will be ” I will have lose two stone over the next two months by dieting and exercising each day.”

MEASURABLE:  How do you know when you’ve got something?  You need to be able to monitor and measure the goal.

ACHIEVABLE:  There’s no point setting your sights too high or you won’t ever be able to get them.  So make them realistic.

RESPONSIBLE :  You are the only one who can make this happen so take control!

TIMED:  A goal has to have a deadline.  Don’t make it too far away that you will delay taking action or making it too soon or you’ll give up.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

But don’t let the cold season stop you dating.

This really is the most wonderful time of the year.  The evenings are longer and darker and we have so many lovely things to look forward to.  For many of us,  our diaries are already pretty full.  We’ve got work dos, family trips, days of work, evenings out with friends.  It’s the one time of the year when our social calendar goes into overdrive.

However, you really shouldn’t forget to fit in some dates.   The nights you’ve booked up are all very well but you won’t meet any NEW people.  So what happens is that by the end of the year you’ve had lots of fun but are still wondering why you are single.

Funnily enough, the time between New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s day in February is the busiest time for dating sites.  We have the most activity and the most new members – people looking for the best possible start for the new year. So don’t miss out on this perfect time to meet someone amazing.

We’ve got some great singles parties to start off the new year.

Remember, many guests do come on their own so you won’t feel left out.  We’ve got lots of great activities for you to try and the best hosts in the business to look after you and introduce to the other guests.  You won’t be left on your own unless you want to!

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

So don’t miss out!

Everyone makes new year’s resolutions at the start of every year.  Perhaps it’s to lose weight, stop smoking or to meet someone amazing. If you’ve decided that 2012 is finally the time you’re ready to put your love life into overdrive then you’ve come to the right place.

The Single Solution always experience the highest number of sign ups at this time of year, so we have so many new members that would love to meet you.

For those new readers, here are some quick tips to help you all get the most out of the service.

1) Fill out your Profile.  Make sure you write a fun, interesting profile and add a great photo.  Otherwise nobody will know you exist!

2) Open your Wallet.  Making a payment is a statement that you are serious about meeting someone.

3) Start sending out messages.  You can’t wait to be contacted, be proactive and email everyone you like the look of.

4) Book some events.  We have industry leading singles events each month.  They are the best way of meeting lots of great people quickly.  Take a look at the schedule as we have something for everyone.

5) Keep Going.  Not everyone will write back as we all like different things and have unique tastes.  So don’t be discouraged if it takes a a little while to “click” with someone.  It’s the ones who put the effort in that become out success stories.

Don’t be single a moment longer- start by taking action now and you never know what might happen!

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

How are some quick tips that will help.

People are often a bit nervous when it comes to taking part in speed dating.  It’s too easy to look around the room at your upcoming matches and make a decision as to whether you might like them, even before you’ve spoken. You need to make a good impression and treat people the way you’d like to be treated. Even if you know you don’t fancy someone then remember they still might be a possible friend or useful contact in the future.

1 ) Treat everyone with respect.  Show an interest. Listen and respond, asking questions.

2) Don’t decide to go to the toilet if you don’t fancy someone.  Wait for a break if you have to go. It’s only a few minutes!

3) Smile. Don’t look bored.  This is so important.  If you look happy and display warmth then that will rub off on them too.

4) Communicate effectively. Speak with passion and don’t talk about negative subjects like your ex or complain about everything.

5) Accept they have a right to privacy.  Everyone has things they want to keep to themselves, so they won’t want to answer every question. So don’t get upset if they give you short evasive answers every now and again.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

We know that, so why doesn’t everyone act like it?

Respect is key when it comes to dating.  I often hear grumbles about rude behaviour, so I’ve put a few tips and guidelines together to help.

1) If you get an email from a member and you aren’t interested, send them a quick thank you but no thank you message.  There’s no excuse not to as we even provide a few pre written messages that you can send back for free.

2)If someone approaches you at a singles party then it’s polite to talk to them for a few minutes.  It’s probably taken them a lot of guts to work up the courage to say hello.  You don’t have to speak for long if you aren’t interested.  It’s always a good idea to leave them feeling a little happier than before you chatted.

3) Always be on time for a date and don’t keep them waiting around. If you have to be a little late then call them to apologise. A  text won’t cut it. Make sure you buy the first drink to apologise and you’ll be forgiven quickly.

4) If you go on a date and don’t want to see them, then let them know in a respectful manner.  Thank them for there time and don’t keep them waiting around for ever.

5) If you accept a drink from someone then you must accept that you need to talk to them while you drink it.  I’ve seen girls take the drink and the walk off right away which is not acceptable behaviour.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

But how accurate are they really?

Matchmaking software aims to examine members’ core beliefs and characteristics to give them a reliable idea of the type of people they should be dating to get a long lasting relationship.   I was recently asked about my thoughts on this so I thought I’d share them here.

I believe that this sort of profiling might well be useful, but is most probably flawed due to two well know psychological effects.

Barnum Effect:  The problem with any form of test is that people are rarely honest about themselves.  The Barnum (or Forer effect) is the idea that individuals will give high accuracy ratings to descriptions of their personality that they believe are specifically for them, but are in fact general enough to apply to a variety of different people.  Sof if you give someone the results of a personality profile then they’ll choose to accept the bit they likes or overlook the ones they don’t.

Placebo Effect:  If you tell someone that they have been matched with the very latest state of the art findings then they’ll subconsciously find themselves working hard to fill in the gaps.  This may or may not be a good thing. On one hand, they’ll put more of an effort into making a relationship work.  On the other it doesn’t really matter whether your matches are real not not.

I really don’t know how accurate these tests really are.  From my experience,  the secret of successful dating is all about chemistry.  There are obviously certain things that are vital when it comes to matching.  This could be religion, race, age etc.  However , most people have relatively open mind and will surprised by who they actually really do get on with.

Please do add a comment and let me know your own thoughts on this.  Have you tried it and how did it work out for you?

Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

Or is it double the trouble?

Many singles find themselves in this situation at some stage in their dating lives.  You and a friend both have dates lined up and you think it might be a good idea to meet them at the same time.  Surely there’s more fun in a group isn’t there?

Of course, this type of scenario comes with it’s own set of problems that you wouldn’t get on a one to one night out.

What if one of your fancies your friend’s date instead?  Who decides where to go?

On the plus side, more people means more conversation and less chance of it drying up.

The reality is that it’s only ever going to work if you are all quite similar in personality. Otherwise one person will dominate the conversation or another might be too shy and let everyone else do the talking.

I would advise you to give it a go every once in a while, just to spice your dating life up a bit.   You can get feedback from your friend after the event and see how you think each other did. They are likely to give you an honest answer and you can discuss your next step.  You never know, you might even learn a thing or two.  Just make sure you pay attention to YOUR date and don’t flirt with the other person.

Double dating can work byt don’t make a habit of it as you won’t get to know someone properly if you aren’t on your own.   You don’t need anyone else to hold your hand!

If you’ve got a funny or interesting double date story then please email it to me at   info@singlesolution.com

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

But how can you make this easier for yourself?

The power of self-talk is amazing.  If you tell yourself you can do something or tell yourself you can’t, then you are always going to be right.  So the secret is to only tell yourself positive things that will change things for the better.

To help, here are some of my favourite positive phrases.  If you want to feel happier, spend a few minutes each day saying them over and over to yourself.  The more you tell yourself these things then the more likely your brain will make them stick and adjust accordingly:

“The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.”

“I choose to be kind to myself.”

“A dream written down with a date becomes a GOAL. A goal broken down into steps becomes a PLAN. A plan backed by ACTION makes your dream come true.”

“It’s better to invest time doing what pleases you, rather than to waste time trying to please everyone else.”

“Every advance in human life begins with an idea in the mind of a single person.”

“I am open to new possibilities.”

“Every great leap forward in life is preceded by a clear decision and a commitment to action.”

“I can figure it out”.

“It is possible, if I am willing to put in the time and effort”

“I make choices and decisions based
on my goals and dreams.”

You could even try to include some similar phrases in to your online dating profile.  They’ll make you come across as a happy, positive person so you’ll automatically get more interest.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

Are you getting frustrated at your lack of dating success?

Dating can sometimes be tough and seem like a waste of time if you aren’t getting want you want out of it.

Here’s my advice to you: Don’t throw in the towel yet!

Sometimes it might take 10 or 40 dates before you meet Mr or Miss Right, or it might be very next person you go out with. But what if they were number 31 and you gave up at 30? You’d never know how close you might have come to meeting your dream partner.

Here’a an interesting comparison that I’ve been thinking about recently. Thomas Edison tried a 1000 ways to get a light bulb to work and all of them failed. Some didn’t work. Some just flashed and dies and some only lasted a few minutes. He made notes on every case. Eventually, he got one to work long enough that it would make sense to make it for sale to the public..

He didn’t see this as a thousand failures, but as a way of getting closer to the result he wanted. His famous quote is:

“We now know a thousand ways not to build a light bulb.”

There’s a definite lesson to be learned here – for every date that doesn’t work out you are one step closer to the one that will!

Once you are in the right frame of mind for dating and take steps to get what you want then it WILL happen.

Just think what would have happened if Edison hadn’t invented the light bulb. We’d be sitting here in the dark.

So don’t give up just yet. Put some effort into putting an effective plan together, attend some dating events and take full advantage of our online dating site. The love of your life might just be a click away.

Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

Are you jeopardizing your chances?
I’ve written before  about about how you need to make a great first impression and stand out from crowd. But no matter how hard you try, you could be messing everything up just by saying a few words. If you speak too quickly, too quietly or come across as wimpy then you won’t get past a phone date, yet alone a face to face meeting.

Your voice is an incredibly valuable asset when it comes to dating, so make sure you know how to use it.

The trouble is that the voice you hear and the voice everyone else hears are completely different. This is due to the way your skull makes it resonate. So if you’ve never done so, speak into a microphone and record yourself for a while. It might be a bit of a surprise and a weird experience, but with a bit of practice you can learn what sounds good and what doesn’t.

Who in the public eye do you think has a good voice? Have a listen to them and copy the way they speak. A great voice is one that is slow and clear. Above all it’s never dull so learn to energise and lift your voice so it sounds dynamic.

Remember, the more you practice then the better you’ll get

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com