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Guest Blog: The ‘low-maintenance’ relationship
We’ve got a treat for you today – a guest dating blog.
This is all about sugar daddy relationships.
As the UK’s Dating Guru I meet many other experts in the dating world. My friend Helen Croydon has recently published a book so I asked her to write a special blog I know you will enjoy.
So you’re on a dating site – Does that mean you should be looking for The One? Author of Sugar Daddy Diaries, Helen Croydon, says that’s the wrong approach.
When you say you’re single, people assume you are either looking for, waiting for or desperately dreaming about your future soul mate; Or you must be bed hopping every weekend with whichever half-attractive stranger bought you your last drink.
In fact, there are whole categories of relationships that go in between those two extremes. Four years ago, fresh out of a break-up, I was thrilled by the prospect of dating again, but I absolutely didn’t want to find a full-time relationship. Daily phone calls, co-ordinating diaries, leaning all his friends’ names? I’ll happily skip those hassles thank you very much! But nor was I interested in casual one night hook-ups. I wanted continuity. I wanted an emotional raptor but I didn’t need a soul mate. I wanted what I later coined a ‘low-maintenance relationship’.
That is probably why the idea of an older man, comfortable in himself, with his own life and less emotional demands seemed so appealing. I’d always preferred guys ten to twenty years older. Intellectual maturity and worldliness – mmmm yum. And physically? Well, give me manly stubble over a smooth baby face any day!
I joined a sugar daddy dating site. I thought it would just be a few fun glamorous dates in some fancy bars. But far from it being a temporary post-break-up thrill, I found the sugar daddy dating model far more suited to real life than ‘normal’ dating.
All my dates and trysts were based on genuine attraction and affection, just like any other type of dating. The difference was there was no hidden agenda lurking in the background. There were no tantrums if either party didn’t phone between dates. There was no silent analysis over whether he/she would be good parent material. Yet it had more romance than what a base casual sex encounter would bring.
It soon became apparent that in sugar daddy dating, the men pay the way. Let’s make it clear this was – yes – a very fortuitous side-effect, but never the motivation! Point is though, I realised that these time-poor but cash-rich ‘sugar daddies’ felt they needed to pay the way as recompense for not being able to fully commit. We’ve all come across a commitment-phobe. But who has met one brave enough to admit it? It is sad that society only seems to recognise relationships if they are exclusive, monogamous arrangements. There is an expectation that in a true relationship the couple should socialise together, holiday together, live together, go to the supermarket together. How daunting is that?!
Other forms of relationships are equally valid. Every potential date can add a rich learning experience to our lives, regardless as to whether they will become The One. So let’s approach internet dating with gusto, not precision planning. You may end up with as many adventures as me!
Sugar Daddy Diaries: When a Fantasy Became an Obsession (Mainstream Publishing) is out now.
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