So should you stop looking?

My advice is absolutely not!  While I do believe it’s true to a certain extent, it’s also a fantastic excuse to do refuse responsibility.  If you are a happy, positive frame of mind and ready for love then it will come your way. The big secret is that you do have to give it a helping hand.

If you want to get something in life, whether it’s love, money, a new job or even a holiday then you need to take action.   For example, if you’d like a new job then you’d polish up your CV, send it out to prospective employees and attend some interviews.   You just wouldn’t sit back, do nothing and wait for one to find you.  Event if one magically does then you can guarantee it won’t be the best one you could possibly dream of.

So what should you do?  Well as well as the obvious things like going out on dates, why not try and do more for yourself.   Use your spare time to go out and get a new haircut, hit the gym or buy some new outfits.  Take the chance to sign up to learn some new skills, such as dancing or cooking. They will all help you feel and look amazing, which will therefore make it easier to meet someone wonderful.  If you enjoy your life and enjoy being who are then others will naturally want to share it with you.

The bottom line is this: Love will find you in the end but you need to help it along the way by being open and ready for it!

Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

There’s no big secret to this, it’s all about “attitude”    Approach them with the aim to just have a friendly conversation rather than anything more.   If you put too much pressure on yourself you’ll just make it awkward.

One of the most important things to remember is to be spontaneous. Don’t even think about whether you should talk to them or not – just do it!   You don’t have to fancy them as every approach is just practice for the next one. Above all, have fun.    If you can get their attention right away when they aren’t expecting it they won’t have time to be defensive.

I suggest you approach people everywhere except clubs and bars ( as they will be on their guard and “expecting” to be approached.)   The best places are bookstores, supermarkets, public transport and coffee shops. Many many singles  hang out in coffee shops during their lunch hour. Just sit in one for a while and watch who comes in.

Finally, when you do approach them, have a question to ask them.  Ask them which coffee is best as there are so many choices, or if they have read a certain book.   It doesn’t really matter WHAT you say, just make sure you smile and put them at ease.  Don’t ask questions that rely on simple yes/no replies as you want to get into discussions with them.

The more people you approach then the easier it will be next time. Before long it will just come naturally and you’ll find they will  even approach you first!

There’s a fantastic course aimed at men which I do recommend you have a read of, which teaches these skills in more detail:

http://tinyurl.com/ya89j5a

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru
www.singlesolution.com

Following are my top 5 tips on how to look your most attractive and most fabulous:

1)      Take some time to prepare: If you want to be looking your best pamper yourself a bit before the date, make sure you smell nice, enjoy the process of getting ready and get a good night’s sleep beforehand to ensure you are not turning up hung-over and yawning to death. Men make sure you have cleaned your teeth…..I know I don’t need to say this to women as they know the importance of not showing up with bad breath!!

2)      Be yourself: With studies showing that image and body language is 55% of what matters most in first impressions it is really important to be feeling comfortable in what you are wearing, confident that you look your best and that you are conveying the real you. Until we really know someone we can only judge them by how they come across and a big part of that is through their image. There is no point trying to be something you are not, if they don’t like you for who you really are then they are not worth it anyway! There are all sorts of ways of doing this by using colours, styles, accessories and make up. Have a think about your key personality traits that you would like someone to know about you and then take some time to consider how you can express this through what you wear.

3) Make an effort but don’t go over the top: You need to get the balance between making an effort and feeling comfortable. It’s important to feel comfortable so you are not distracted by hurting feet, pulling skirts or tops down but at the same time you want to look like you have made an effort, heels are always a winner for dates as they lengthen and slim your figure, plus wearing them gives you that extra boost of confidence and sexiness. However don’t go for totally over the top ones that will cripple you in seconds.  If heels just are not you though then don’t wear them, the most important thing as I said above is to be yourself.

4) Wear the right colours: The right colours, especially close to your face can really make you look vibrant, healthy and even younger! The wrong colours can drain you, make you look ill and highlight any redness or lines on the face. The most flattering colours for you share the same characteristics as your own natural colouring so for example if you have dark hair then deep colours will suit you more than very pale ones. Or if you have a golden undertone to your skin then colours with a yellow base will look fantastic where as blue based colours will drain the warmth away from you.

5)      Enhance your best bits: take some time to consider what your best bits are for example are they your; eyes, your bust, your bum, your legs, your stomach etc? Then think how you can show that off. It’s a waste of time and energy worrying about the bit’s you don’t like (plus it won’t make you feel very good about yourself) instead focus on how to enhance the great bits about you.

Please do feel free to email me if you have any specific questions about what to wear or what not to!! louise@createyourself.co.uk

http://createyourself.co.uk/

So just as a bit of fun, we’ve researched which star signs come out best when it comes to dating.

Pisces (February 20 – March 21) Empathetic, openhearted and intuitive

Aries (March 21 – April 20) Their fiery nature makes them extremely irresistible and exciting.

Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Sensual person who craves physical affection and affection. Only the best will do.

Gemini (May 22 – June 22) These are the best to talk to

Cancer (June 23 – July 23) Deeply emotional and family orientated

Leo (July 23 – August 23) Love to be the centre of attention

Virgo (August 23 – September 23) They love to help others and put them first

Libra (September 23 – October 23) Librans can be the most romantic people

Scorpio (October 24 – November 22) Can be emotionally perceptive and intuitive

Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21) Impulsive and adventurous

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20): The most dependable

Aquarius (January 20 – February 19) Aquarians are the most friendly of all the star signs

Do these fit in with your dating experiences?

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

1)”Timewasters need not apply”    You aren’t inviting people to view a car, but to meet you.  Don’t be bossy, but try and come across as warm and friendly.

2)”I can’t believe I’m doing this”   This shows instant negativity which is a big turn off to most people. You are suggesting that you are embarrassed to be on the site and therefore hinting you are embarrassed to be contacting them.

3) “I’m not going to say what I want, but what I DON’T want!”  Again, instant negativity.  Why not spend the time writing about what you do like, rather than what you don’t.

4) “You’ll be paying”!   Are you just after them for their money?  Never write this, even if it’s just as a joke.

5) “I give great massages”"  Do you really.  We haven’t even spoken yet and you are already getting overtly sexual. Bad idea!

6) “I am a funny, clever person with a good sense of humour”  The irony of this is that funny, clever people would never write this in their profile – instead they would write something funny and clever!

7) “Ask me for photo”   You clearly can’t be bothered to put one up so why should anyone be bothered to ask?

8 ) “Hello how are you?”  This is just incredibly dull, especially if it doesn’t lead on to something wonderfully interesting…..and they rarely do.

9) “Lol!”   You aren’t a teenager, you are a successful, intelligent adult, so never write things like this. You already know that you should avoid text speak….don’t you?!

10) “I’m not a paying member”   So why are you even on the site?   Would you sit outside a gym and tell everyone you aren’t going to pay but you expect to still get fit? This sort of comment guarantees automatic suspension so never ever write it!

If you’ve seen event worse profiles than these then do comment on this and let us know!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

It’s what I call the “empty wallet” story…

To summarise, it goes like this.  The man invites the lady out on a date – perhaps for some drinks or a meal.  They get on well and at the end of the evening the bill arrives.  The man goes to open his wallet only to be stunned that he’s somehow left all his money ( and credit cards!) behind.

“Oh dear,” he says, ” I seem to have come out without any cash.  Would you mind paying now and I’ll get it next time?”

As if there would even be a next time. I’ve even heard a version of this where the man has ordered the most expensive items from the menu and the lady has just had salad and  a mineral water.  Another lady did foolishly agree to cough up and arranged another restaurant date only for him to try exactly the same trick again!

Men, this is absolutely not cool or funny.  This can’t be an accident and nobody goes out without any money.  Your main job on a date is to make the best first impression you possibly can.  If you refuse to pay then it makes you look mean, tight fisted and downright rude.   On top of this it will make you look incredibly stupid and you’ll undo any good work you might have made during the date.

So the bottom line is bring enough money to cover the date and act like a gentleman.

Of course it’s not just men who do this.  Many women expect the men to pay and will “forget” to bring money with them as a test.  Again, this is wrong. While the man should generally always pay on the first date, the woman should at least offer.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

However, if you know the secrets then you soon start having much better success rates. Here are some of my top tips to help you :

1)  Keep an eye on people’s  jewellery.  Stay clear of wedding rings, but other jewellery like necklaces and big watches can work as  a great icebreaker. Just ask them “doesn’t that get in the way?!”

2) Join a class. People don’t wear headphones and you’ll get to talk and get to know the other class members, both before and after the session.

3) Never ever be sleazy or take things too far.  There’s a fine line between catching someones eye or leering at someone in tight spandex.  If you want to be able to go back, keep things low key and friendly.

4) The best time to approach someone is when they are “between” sets or machines or by the water fountain.  I’d never recommend interrupting someone when they are on a cardio machine.  It’s dangerous and if you stop them they’ll just get annoyed.

5) Here’s a great tip to break through the dreaded Ipod barrier. Lots of gyms have free postcards, so find one and write “Hello!” on the back in big letters.

Walk up to someone you like who is wearing earphones, smile at them and hold out the sign.

Most people will be amused and intrigued enough to stop what they are doing and chat to you.

6) Watch out for the people who aren’t trying to hard. They are there for the attention, not for a serious workout so they’ll be more open to talking to you.  They are easy to spot as they’ll be walking on the treadmill, lifting extremely light weights or stretching. They are usually also watching out to see who is looking at them too!

7) Smile. Yes,  it seems simple, but many people at the gym don’t bother smiling. When you catch their eye, instead of blushing and looking away -  smile.  You might just entice them to come talk to you.  If you look friendly and approachable then other people will want to come and chat with you too.

8 ) Go during weekend evenings. If they are at the gym at that time then there’s a pretty good chance they will be single.  Anyone in a relationship would probably be with their partners as this is peak “couple” time!

9) Take time to befriend to the receptionist when you enter and leave the gym.  If you bond with them, they’ll often have the inside scoop on who is single, who is dating who and what times the members are usually there.

10) Become a Regular. Exercise increases your libido and you’ll look better.  So, the more you go to the gym then the fitter you’ll get and the more people you’ll get to know.  If people see you are popular this acts as “social proof” and they’ll want to get to know you too.
Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

1) You remind me of my Dad/ Mum
2) My psychic told me we’re going get married
3) Can I borrow some money?
4) I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired
5) I used to come here all the time with my ex
6) I won’t drink much tonight because I get horny
7) Excuse me a minute. My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour
It’s sad, but I’ve come to accept that I’m never going to meet someone as clever as me.
9) I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being better looking.
10) Are you going to change your Facebook status to “in a relationship” now?

If you’ve heard a worse one, email us at info@singlesolution.com.  There will be a prize for the best ones.

While these are all to be taken with a pinch of salt, there is one thing that you genuinely should never ever talk about on a date – your ex.  You’d be amazed how many think this is an acceptable subject to bring up in conversation.  Rather than focus on your past,  spend the time talking about yourself and your date.  Find out what you have in common and use the opportunity to get to know each other.  Your relationship with your ex is over but you have the chance to start something new, so make them feel like they are the important ones now.
Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

Well, this all depends on what you are doing and with whom.  If you are having amazing nights out and great new life experiences then you can never really have enough. However, if you are out every evening on boring, dull dates then something is going wrong and needs fixing fast.

A lot of this is just about having the right attitude. If you go on a date wishing, hoping and dreaming that they will be “the one” then you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  Rather than put the pressure on both of you, decide to go out and just see what happens.  Perhaps you’ll get on well and continue to see each other or maybe you’ll make a new friend.

If, on the other hand, you just don’t have to see anyone. If this is the case I’d suggest you take another look at your priorities.  Are you letting work get in the way or your lovelife?  Does making money take priority?   Have a good think about what’s most important to you. If you spend too long working then you’ll never meet anyone.

I’d suggest you have arrange a couple of dates every week. No more, no less.  They don’t have to be extravagant, whole evening encounters so don’t panic.  Instead arrange short one or two hour meetings. This will give you the chance to get to know each other but not give you time to get bored or distracted.

If you find yourself getting tired from all the energy you are putting into dates, then feel free to take a week or two off.

Just remember - dating is supposed to be fun!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

Just this week,  married celebrities like Vernon Kay and Ashley Cole have been caught “virtually cheating” online with other women. They’vetexted sexual images back and forth, thinking it to be safe ground.

If you are seeing someone, what are the rules when it comes to using these sites?  Is it ever ok to flirt with complete strangers you’ll never meet, or add your exes?

Social networking sites can be addictive, especially if you’ve got something lacking in the real world.  It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy environment and flirt with exes or new people. It feels completely safe and something nobody every need know about. People love an ego boost, so if a hot girl or guy tries to get in touch it can be very tempting to continue.  It connects you to those you otherwise wouldn’t meet or renew friendships with people you weren’t too concerned about.

The thing is, many people still see it as  cheating, even if it’s just emotionally. Instead on focussing on your relationship and making your partner happy, you are giving attention and energy to other people instead.

J.M. Kearns, author of ‘Better Love Next Time says: ” “Social Networking sites are a neutral tool that can be used for innocent or guilty purposes. If they are  talking to an ex through the public forums, they may just be keeping in touch.” But if they are only using the site’s private forums, that could be a different story.  If this is becoming an issue then you need to start setting the boundaries.”

I’d advise that you if you find yourself entering risky territory then take a step back.  If you are in a relationship then it’s neverok to take things beyond friendship with anyone else.  How would you feel if you found out your partner was doing it?  If you have to can’t stop then you need to work out what’s missing from your relationship.

Of course, if you are single then flirt away!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com