With the popularity of online social websites such as Facebook, Myspace and Twitter, flirting can take on a whole new dimension.  They offer exciting new opportunities to meet new partners and chat up new love interests. I’m going to write an article soon about how to flirt and meet new people via these avenues, but for now I’m going to talk about online fidelity.

Just this week,  married celebrities like Vernon Kay and Ashley Cole have been caught “virtually cheating” online with other women. They’vetexted sexual images back and forth, thinking it to be safe ground.

If you are seeing someone, what are the rules when it comes to using these sites?  Is it ever ok to flirt with complete strangers you’ll never meet, or add your exes?

Social networking sites can be addictive, especially if you’ve got something lacking in the real world.  It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy environment and flirt with exes or new people. It feels completely safe and something nobody every need know about. People love an ego boost, so if a hot girl or guy tries to get in touch it can be very tempting to continue.  It connects you to those you otherwise wouldn’t meet or renew friendships with people you weren’t too concerned about.

The thing is, many people still see it as  cheating, even if it’s just emotionally. Instead on focussing on your relationship and making your partner happy, you are giving attention and energy to other people instead.

J.M. Kearns, author of ‘Better Love Next Time says: ” “Social Networking sites are a neutral tool that can be used for innocent or guilty purposes. If they are  talking to an ex through the public forums, they may just be keeping in touch.” But if they are only using the site’s private forums, that could be a different story.  If this is becoming an issue then you need to start setting the boundaries.”

I’d advise that you if you find yourself entering risky territory then take a step back.  If you are in a relationship then it’s neverok to take things beyond friendship with anyone else.  How would you feel if you found out your partner was doing it?  If you have to can’t stop then you need to work out what’s missing from your relationship.

Of course, if you are single then flirt away!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

Once again we had our biggest and best parties of the year for Valentine’s day.

We had two Moorgate venues for this party – the younger one at The Cuban Bar and the mid 30s to late 40s party at Digress City.

At Digress City we had over 250 guests.  The welcome wine went down well as did the Tarot Reader who was booked up very quickly.

Later in the evening, most people joined the fun at the Cuban Bar for the afterparty. The stars of the show were the ever popular “Bluejacks”, the Single Solution resident covers band.

We saw quite a few matches at the parties so if Cupid sent you a little arrow we’d love to hear all about it!

The year has only just started and we’ve got many more exciting events lined up and are planning some very special evenings for you.

James – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

Here’s an amazing story thats was so funny and strange we wanted to share it with you.

Apparently a man called Darren in Winnipeg, Canada, was dumped this week after his girlfriend found saucy texts on his phone. The messages were things like ” Booty Call,” “Where U at” and “be there soon.”   Not surprisingly, his girlfriend was furious to find them stored on his mobile.

But all wasn’t as it seemed.  It turned out that the messages were pre-installed generic texts that came with the phone.  He took it back to the shop to complain and demand an explanation.

‘At first, we didn’t believe him,’ said shop assistant Mike Ford, “but when we looked at a couple of the same phones he bought, and found they all had the same messages.’

Darren now wants the phones to be recalled and the messages removed, to stop others from having ‘to go through the hell I’m going through.’

So the lesson to be learnt here is that the first, most obvious conclusion isn’t always the right one!
James Preece -  The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

As the 14th February approaches, many people’s thoughts turn to Valentine’s Day.   For some, it’s day to enjoy with a partner, but for many singles it can be quite a depressing time!  In fact, some people refer to Valentine’s as Singles Awareness Day…aka SAD.

But it really doesn’t need to be that way.  In fact, it can be the best day of the year if you in the right mindset.

Here are some top tips to help you get the most out of it:

1) Instead of feeling frustrated for not having a significant other to spend the day, singles can spend Valentine’s Day in a constructive manner by expressing love and affection for people around them.  Be greatful for the people you have in your life, not the ones you don’t.

2) Be your own Valentine.  Give yourself a special treat, such as booking a spa session, cooking your favourite meal or buy a new outfit. You need to be able to love yourself before you can ever truly anyone else.

3) Do not define yourself by your relationship status. Your relationship status is not your identity!

4) For the ultimate feelgood factor, do something great for somebody else.  You’ll feel amazing if you go out of your way to help another person. Perhaps you could have tea with a lonely elderly relative or donate your time to a local charity.

5) Get out there and enjoy yourself.  Valentine’s Day if probably THE best day of the year for singles.  You’ll have more free cash, more time and less pressure than couples, so make the most of it!  Get your other single friends together and hit the bars where all the other singles will be partying.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

P.s The Single Solution will be running two big London Singles parties on Saturday 13th February 2010.  Book up now and join over 300 gorgeous guests.

As dating experts, we’ve heard every pickup line in the book.  Here are a selection of the very worst!

1)  Can I buy you a drink so I look better?

2) Are you related to Jean-Claude Van Damme? Because Jean-Claude Van Damme you’re sexy!

3) I’d marry your cat to get in the family.

4) Can I borrow your library card? I want to check you out.

5) You know, sweetie, my lips won’t just kiss themselves..

6) Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.

7) Hey, I’m new in town. Can I get directions to your house?

I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen.

9) Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?

10) You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

Do you know an even worse pickup line?  Email us  at pickup@singlesolution.com and we’ll list the best ones here!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

Ok, so you went on a first date and are wondering what to do now.

When should contact them? What do you say?

The trouble with first dates is that you never know what the other person is thinking.  You might think it was amazing but they just weren’t feeling it.  In fact, they are probably also wondering what to do next.

Firstly, always thank them. It’s just polite. You only need to send a quick text when you get home.

There are now three possible paths:

You aren’t sure if you want to see them again.

Life isn’t easy and you might well have mixed emotions about a date. I’d always sugget a second date if you are undecided but you’ll need time to think it over.   Leave it 24 hours to think carefully about it and then go on to one of the next two steps.

You want to see them again

Excellent!  Let them know you thought it went well and you’d like to see them again.  Assuming they liked you too, they’ll be pleased to have their minds put at rest. Make sure you arrange a second date around one week after your first one.  Any later and you’ll forget the connection, any sooner and you might burn out too quickly!  It can be hard to find things to say if nothing new has happened in the time you’ve been apart.

You don’t want to see them again

It’s hard line between being hurting someone’s feelings and making it clear you don’t have a future.   However, I’d always advise letting them know this quickly so they don’t hold out hope of further dates.  It’s  best to be honest but if you can’t, tell them you thought they were cool but reminded you too much of your brother or sister.

Sometimes you just won’t hear from them again. They’ll disappear and you’ll never hear from them again. You’ll never quite know why but when this happens be happy that you had a narrow escape and get back on track and start dating new people.

Happy Dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

There has been a lot of press recently about how people should “settle” if they want to have any hope of getting married.

So should you make do even if you aren’t completely convinced?

My advice is always to give someone a chance if you feel any sort of connection at all.  The longer you spend with someone
then the more you will start to bond and like them.  If there are a few things you are unsure of, put them to the back of your mind and focus
on the things you DO find interesting about them.

Too many people judge very quickly and dismiss them before they have even got to know them.  You never see the “real” person on a first date as they too busy being nervous about making a good first impression!

Remember, that by it’s very definition, most people are “average.”  So therefore, most people are only going to be “5’s”  Therefore there’s no point holding out for
an 8 or a 9 as they will only be interested in other 8 or 9s.

However, everyone likes different things there can be “equalisers” to help you. We all have our own strengths so make sure you play on them.
Just because you are normal looking doesn’t mean you can’t have an outstanding personality.   Charm, Power, Money, Sense of Humour etc can all
be just as attractive.  Even small things like being a great dancer, an amazing cook, good with kids can be help up your odds in the right circumstances. Work with what you have.

Of course, if you don’t fancy them at all then life is too short to see them again.  Nobody should ever have to settle for second best. Just make sure you are making the most of every encounter and opportunity.

Finally,  we always attract people like ourselves . Be happy, content and make sure you love yourself before you bring someone else into your life.  You’ll soon find someone wonderful.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

” Dear James, I’m a divorced 34 year old single mother.  I have a Masters Degree, a job that I love and own two houses. I have reached a time in my life where I would like to start dating and maybe get married again one day. So far, I have had a hard time meeting mature men my own age. My friends assure me that I’m a great catch – beautiful, great catch, funny, good personality etc.  However, the few guys I’ve dated have called things off for really odd reasons. I had one date that I felt went well. Later that night he sends me a TEXT MESSAGE to say “the conversation was great and you’re a beautiful girl. But, you being a vegetarian is a deal breaker
for me.” Other situations didn’t fare much better. I find it very very very hard to believe that being a vegetarian is that much of a turn off to somebody. Where is a good place to meet a mature man in his late 30’s (no bars please!).  Is Online Dating really that safe? Please can you help?  M”

Hi M,

Many thanks for your question.  It’s something I get asked all the time so I’ll definitely try to help   You need to know that you are not alone and there are huge numbers of women in the same situation.

Let’s get right to the point.  You are right, it was probably nothing to do with being a vegetarian.  ( Unless he was a butcher?!)   It’s much more likely that these men are getting cold feet simply because you have a child. I know, it’s very unfair, but not many younger men are mature enough to handle it. They aren’t ready to take on extra responsibility and will want to have kids of their own a bit later in their lives. Some even have a hard time looking after themselves right now!  Not only that but they will be paranoid about your ex-husband popping back on the scene at some point, even if he isn’t at the moment. It’s not just you who they are dating, but three of you.  They don’t want to hurt your feelings and tell you this directly so they make up crazy excuses instead.

Oh, and to top this off, there are men who will even be intimidated or insecure that you’ve got a great job, your own place etc if they’re not sorted their own lives out.

But don’t worry, once men get a bit older and grow up a bit, they can be quite happy to settle down. There are many decent men in their 30s who would jump at the chance to date you, it’s just a matter of finding them!

So, what do I suggest? Find out if there are any singles events in your area. Most busy cities have them each week and most men are professional and settled.  Theatre trips, casinos and wine tastings can be fun ideas -it’s not just about bars.  At the very least you will make some new friends and have a great night out.

Online dating is definitely your best way forward.  Firstly, you can state clearly that you are a single mother so you’ll only be contacted by men who are happy with that. If you are told you are beautiful then why not use that to your advantage and put up some great pictures to get attention? Remember to be proactive on the dating site too. You can’t just wait for people to contact you. Take action and you’ll soon have them queing up to date you Safety isn’t really an issue on the decent dating sites. Just remember not to give out your surname, real email or phone number until you are sure you are interested.  Trust your instincts, meet in a safe busy place you know and always tell a friend where you will be.

Finally, another great idea can be to get all your friends to help you. Tell them what you are looking for and ask if they know any great guys. People love challenges like this and you never know you might meet.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru
www.singlesolution.com

With this freezing weather, lack of money and , it can be easy to see why this can be the most depressing time of the year! If you aren’t in a fantastic mood, this can play havoc with your dating life .

Here are my five top tips to feel happier – instantly!

1) Appreciate what you have. If you take a while to reflect, you’ll soon realise you have so many wonderful things in your life. This can include things like great friends, family, good health for example.

2) Make a list of what you have to look forward to. This can be big things, such as holidays, parties or even a pay rise . Your can also list small things that will still cheer you up. This can be a coffee break, favourite television show or cooking a nice meal. If there aren’t enough things on your list then start planning!

By doing this you will be able to start living in the present moment. Many of us worry about what the future holds, so make sure you’ve prepared as many positive things as possible.

3) Play some music. Uplifting, happy tunes can stimulate the creative areas of your brain, providing an instant mood lift. Just make sure the music is upbeat – nothing sad or too slow!

4) Go for a walk. Your physiology determines your emotions so if you start to energise yourself your blood will flow more and you’ll feel much happier very quickly. For double the effect, why not combine this with tip 3 by plugging in your Ipod and strolling through the park?

5) Smile! You might need to fake it at first, but you’ll notice that you can’t help but feel better when you smile. It’s a natural body response. As an added bonus, if you smile at people it makes them feel better about themselves and you’ll find many smile back, boosting your happiness even more!

James Preece – Confidence Coach
www.singlesolution.com

We’ve had lots of great feedback about our late 20s to mid 40s party that we ran on Saturday 23rd January 2010.

This event took place at one of our favourite and most popular venues – The Abbey. The Cuban is in a great location in Victoria and is right near several stations. It was lovely to see so many new faces as well as our regular members.

We ran speed dating upstairs in the upstairs bar and the mingling took place downstairs in the main club area. This started off with our ever popular ice breaking game which got everyone talking right away. Later in the evening, lots of people paired up and we’ve heard that many dates were arranged which is also good to know. Most of the guests have been emailing each other even since so some wonderful connections were made.

Here is a feedback from the party: “I’ve tried many singles parties companies and yours are head and shoulders above the rest!” RW

We will be running two big Valentine’s parties on Saturday 13th February. The 20s to mid 30s party will be at The Cuban Bar and the 30s to late 40s will take place at Digress City. Valentine’s is traditionally the biggest and best party that we do as they always attract new people who haven’t tried us before.

James Preece – Dating Coach

www.singlesolution.com