Help | FAQs - 'How to use the site'

Thank you for having visited this page
...please make sure you've read these FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)
before you email us about a problem...

How do I get started navigating around the site?  
Is my browser compatible with the site?

How do I start searching for members?
What is the 'Not Yet Tagged' Search?
I want to do a more detailed search - what options are there?
What's all this about 'Matching' Criteria?

How do I know if someone has sent me a message?
How do I send someone a message?
How do I know if my message has been sent?
How do I know if someone has read my message?
How do I validate my email address?

How do I look up someone's profile?
What do the badges on top of members' profiles mean?  
How do I edit my own profile?
How do I change my email address?
How do I change my password?
How do I change my Username?

How do I add my photo?
What else can I do with photos?
Can I send someone my photo without having to display it publicly?

Membership Options
How do I opt out of getting the newsletter and mailings?
I need a break - how can I stop appearing on the site for a while?
How do I put my membership on hold?
What are the different membership status settings?
How can I permanently terminate my membership?
How do I adjust other settings of my account? e.g. Privacy, Email stuff, etc.
What are 'Favourite' members?

Free v Full Membership
Why bother upgrading?
Will my free membership expire and my profile be deleted??
I'm a free member - will you sell my email to other companies?
Are memberships subscriptions i.e. auto-rebilling?
How do I cancel my subscription?
Can I have a refund?

I've forgotten my password
The site doesn't work/I can't log in!
My profile changes don't appear to be saved



How do I get started navigating round the site?

The site is organised according to a main navigation bar and 2 submenu system. The Main Navigation Bar is the at the top of the screen.  

This is your constant source of reference throughout our site. Each of these words is a hyperlink to a main section of the site.

When you click on one of these hyperlinks - e.g. - you will be taken to that section and the page title and submenu (under the menu) and quicklinks (in left hand margin of the page) will change.

For example - the above picture shows you the Search page of the site. The submenu options shown include

The site is designed so everything is no more than 2 clicks away. The site is very easy to navigate if you think logically>>> FIRST you choose the relevant hyperlink on the main navigation bar SECOND you choose the relevant horizontal submenu option or vertical "Quicklink" menu .

Say you wanted to see all messages you have sent >>>

First think 'Message' Hmmm... that is probably on  (from Main Navigation Bar )

Second press  from the vertical quicklink menu

We suggest you have a cruise round he site - clicking on all the items on the Main Navigation Bar to see what you can do on each page.

Is my browser compatible with the site?

The site is designed to run on Internet Explorer (v7 and higher), plus latest versions of Firefox and Chrome. We also try to stay up to speed on Safari so that the site works on iPhone and Android phones/tablets. There may be issues with other browsers (Opera, AOL's inbuilt browser, etc.) that means our site doesn't work 100% on these. We're really sorry but we cannot guarantee 100% functionality with other browsers - it takes all our resources to keep our Explorer/Firefox/Chrome compatibility up to speed.

Our favourite browser is Chrome - which is free to download.

We know that there are issues with AOL's inbuilt browser not storing our cookies correctly that means AOL users need to use Internet Explorer or Chrome instead. Of course you still connect to the net via AOL - you just use Chrome or Internet Explorer once you're connected.

We have found that Internet Privacy software (e.g. McAfee Internet Privacy) or other "Cookie blocking" software can screw up use of our site. Basically our site uses Cookies to enable you to login securely - so you need to make sure any software you use does not block our cookies. It is also possible to get into a real pickle with Internet Explorer security/privacy settings and 'Trusted' sites if - for example -

  • You turn Security/Privacy on Internet Explorer up to super-maximum

  • You accidentally click 'Block' on a 'Helpful' Internet Explorer popup that asks you if you want to allow our site.

  • You accidentally turn off Javascript in Internet Explorer.

It can be quicker to just download the Google Chrome browser rather than keep adjusting ssettings in Internet Explorer if you are not that technical. Rather than spend hours and possibly days adjusting settings back and forth - downloading Chrome just takes 2 minutes.  

Here are some links to get an up-to-date free browser::



Press on the main menu and you will be taken to the Speedy Search Page.

From the final option that says 'Show me' you can choose whether to see Mini Profiles or Gallery view. 

It is possible to view a particulat text field (e.g. 'Job, 'Religion, 'Interests') as part of the Mini Profiles results by clicking on the Show Advanced Options link. This would be useful if you were looking for someone who was into say 'Dancing' or went to church every week 

Each time you carry out a search the search page automatically remembers what criteria values you entered. This means if you leave the page and return to it later (even if you also leave our site) you don't have to have to set up all the search criteria again.


What is the 'Not Yet Tagged' Search?

This is a cool way of seeing new members who you have not yet reviewed.

For it to work you need to 'Tag' members using the buttons  that are on each profile. Don't worry - no-one knows if you tag them as a won't depress people or get any email telling you off.

Then when you press at the bottom of the Speedy Search page it will show you members according to your Speedy Search criteria (age, location, etc.) who you have not already tagged i.e. 'Fresh' profiles


I want to do a more detailed search - what options are there?

To do a more detailed search go to (main menu) followed by

is good for pinpointing an exact type of person

You can now search for precise values on all searchable fields. Detailed search doesn't allow you to have as many combinations as a Matching Search but it includes more fields to choose from and can be quicker. If you want to look for a 6ft tall Buddhist with red hair living in Walesc...good luck! 

Note the instructions on the page for Geographical searching.
...especially how the location fields are 'ORed' together.   

If you want someone just in Cambridgeshire do not put anything else in any of the other location boxes i.e do not put 'UK' in the Country box or 'East' in the Region Box'

Yes, we know Cambridgeshire is in the East of the UK 
HOWEVER, this is the equivalent of telling the computer Cambridgeshire OR UK OR East. i.e. any of the 3 are OK. So you will get everyone in the UK - from Land's End to John O'Groats 

The only time it makes sense to specify COUNTRY as well as REGION/COUNTY/TOWN is where you wnat to meet someone in a different country e.g. Ireland or London,  France or Edinburgh. Typically this is what students, ex-pats and people whoi have more than one home do.


Matching Search is good for multiple combinations of criteria

Your matching criteria can include pretty much unlimited combinations of values on the most common searchable fields. e.g. you can specify Occasional Smoker OR Non Smoker (thereby just ruling out smokers) AND pHd OR Degree AND...etc., etc. If you make your matching search too complex it will be slow - so please leave categories set to 'Not bothered about this'  where this is the case.


What's all this about Matching Criteria?

These are powerful features and are set from one of two places

  1.     (main menu) then 'My Matching'

  2. (main menu) then 'Matching Search'

Open to meet defines your minimum requirement for a partner - so don't be too picky with this. You can be a bit choosier with Ideal Match. Once you've set your criteria up other members can view these from your profile. The idea of this is so that members don't waste time messaging other members where there is some major incompatibility.

There are a few common mistakes made on these pages that mean your criteria are not as you would want them...

Mistake 1. Ticking the 'Use this Criteria' checkbox then ticking ALL the checkboxes

>>>Including every combination is the same as saying I'm not bothered about hair - however it gives our computer a hard time. So you should just leave the 'hair' option looking like the following (to do this uncheck the 'Use this criteria' box next to 'Hair Colour') 

...that will work!

Mistake 2. Ticking the 'Use this Criteria' checkbox then ticking NONE of the checkboxes

>>>This will eliminate everyone from the results!

Mistake 3. ONLY checking the 'Not Relevant' checkbox is nearly always a bad idea.

>>>You are not saying in the above example that hair isn't relevant for you. You are saying that you are only interested in people who have answered the hair question as 'Not Relevant'. Most people are happy to state what sort of hair they have. Only a minority refuse to do this and state 'Not relevant'. Specifying the above means you rule out all the blonde, brown, black, auburn etc. people who have stated their hair colour (this amounts to most people!)

This is what your search should look like if you aren't bothered about hair >>>


This is what your search should look like if you just don't want to meet bald people (not that we're encouraging this discrimination) but otherwise aren't bothered >>>



4. Age and Height Mistakes

If you tick either of these criteria make sure you set sensible values (do not leave as default values). There is no point saying 'Use this criteria' (for age or height) then not setting values as below>>> 


Much better is one of the following>>>

...if you're not bothered

>>> YES!
...if you are bothered (and want to meet 27-37 year olds)



How do I know if someone has sent me a message?

The message will be forwarded to the email address you gave when you filled in your profile. Don't worry, the person who sent the message can't see this address. Please remember to check your SPAM folder in your email program and mark our messages as 'Not Spam' and add us to your email 'White list'. This should ensure that our messages get to your Inbox in future. Unfortunately, many dating sites send spam messages so some email providers classify any dating-related messages as SPAM

When you login you can check your messages from the page.

You can change the address to which email is forwarded on the page.

How do I send someone a message?

FULL members have unlimited messaging, Free members have restricted messaging. This is all explained in our separate help page - MESSAGING RULES + TIPS.

To actually send a message these are your options:

is the button to press from the person's profile or indeed from the search results page. This will take you to the main 'Send a Message' page.

opens a small popup and is a good way of sending a very short message or a wink without leaving the search results page.

is what you can use to send the member a small "Smiley face" or "Wink". This is a good way of testing the waters by cyber-flirting. You can send lots of winks out ...and hopefully receive some winks back. This will give you a good idea of who it is worthwhile to send a message.

is basically a super-enhanced "wink". You can choose a combination of image and some standard text. By mixing and matching the text + image you can be creative and get your personality accross in a fun manner. The idea is that the greater effort it takes to create an Icebreaker is appreciated by the recipient.

allows you to send an e-card. This is a nice way of adding some style to your bespoke message.  

How do I know if my message has been sent?

After you press you will be shown a confirmation page that tells you the delivery status of your message.

We have to review messages from NEW members to make sure you are not a spammer/scammer ....particularly new FREE members. Once we know you are OK and a real, genuine person (typically after you send a few normal messages) your messages will get delivered instantly with no review from us. FULL members tend to get approved for instant message delivery sooner than FREE members as they are less likely to be a spammer/scammer. Please do contact us if you fell your messages should be sent instantly but are being queued for review.

If it takes a long time to display your message confirmation then this usually means we are having problems with the member's mailserver.  

Occasionally problems with the member's mailserver mean we can't deliver the notification email at that point in time. Your confirmation message will tell you this. In this case the message is still logged on our system and we try to deliver the email later. So don't keep pressing 'Back' on your browser and sending it again as this will queue up many copies of the same message.

If you go to then    and you can see your message then it has been logged OK and the recipient can also access it. There is no need to send the message again. 

How do I know if someone has read my message?

Use our "Read Receipt"  feature on the page. This sends an email alert to the person but not your message itself, thereby forcing them to visit the site to read your message. Once they do this you'll see a tick next to the message on your  Page. You should also be sent an email telling you of this.

Of course not sending a copy of your message via email is less convenient for the recipient - so use this feature with discretion. 

How do I validate my email address?

When you first join our computer automatically emails you a registration email. You simply click on the email validation link within this and you should be taken to our site and this validates your email. This means we know you have a working email address.

If you don't receive your email then firstly you should check your SPAM folder in your email

  1. Go to

  2. Click 

  3. Click next to your email address

  4. Click 

This will send another registration email and you can then click on the link within this to validate.



How do I look up someone's profile?

Press on the main menu then press the . Now enter the Username of the person whose details you would like to see.

What do the badges on top of members' profiles mean?   

'Full Member' Badge
This member is a Full member. Full members - having paid something - are often more likely to take the site seriously (respond to emails) than free members.  

ID Checked Badge
This member has been in to see one of our partner personal introduction agencies for an ID check. This means they have produced some proof that they are who they say they are and where they live. Guys aren't usually bothered about women being ID checked.  

How do I edit my own profile?

Press on the main menu then choose which page of your profile you would like to edit. Make sure you press 'Save and Proceed' to save changes.
The fuller your profile the better response you are likely to get. It is especially important to have a good Main Description section

How do I change my email address?

You can change the address to which email is forwarded on the page.

  1. Click

  2. Click

  3. Click next to Email Address

How do I change my password?

  1. Click

  2. Click  

  3. Click next to Password

How do I change my Username?

  1. Click

  2. Click  

  3. Click next to Username

This is a feature for full members only. Please be careful/patient when changing your username as we use it to identify all your records with us. The process can take 30 seconds - if you abandon the process part way through (e.g. by closing your browser) it could mess up your profile.

It is a 2 stage process - once your username is successfully changed in the database you are asked to press a separate button to re-link your photos.


How do I add my photo?

You can upload your own photos to our website at any time. We also have facilities for resizing and croppping your photo online 

  1. Click

  2. Click

  3. Click "Choose File", select the file on your computer then

Full details of what photos are acceptable, tips for how to choose a good photo, etc. are given on the Photo Upload page itself.

This also contains links to websites that allow you to instantly resize your photo so that it isn't TOO BIG to upload to our site

OR download freeware image converter from to convert + resize your pictures.

You can also email or snailmail (post) a photo in to us and we'll sort it out for you - our postal address is at the bottom of the Contact Us page


What else can I do with Photos?

Members can upload more than one photo

Members can show, hide or delete your own photos and add captions to them. from the page

FULL members have loads of extra facilities to do with Photos that Free members don't have, they can:

  • Display all their photos to everyone
  • Instantly publish their photos (Free members have to wait for their photo to be approved by a member of staff which can take some time)
  • Upload a greater number of photos
  • Have a 'private' photo that is not on public view that can be sent to other members  attached to a message 

Can I send someone my photo without having to display it publicly?

Yes! First upload your photo as explained in 'How do I add my Photo?' above, then: 

  1. Find your image then select ...this will hide the photo from general display

  2. Then when you want to show someone your 'Hidden' photo you should tick the button when sending a message to that person.



Why bother upgrading?

Full members have unlimited messaging - messaging for free members is restricted

Full members have access to a load of features that free members don't. 

Full members keep us in a job - so we orientate the whole site for them. Our motto is 'Full members have more dates an more fun'. Whilst we cannot guarantee you more dates we do everything possible to bring this about - promoting full members in Search results, etc. 
Checkout the  page for full details of this - go on!

Will my free membership expire and my profile be deleted??

Don't worry - we've no plans to do this! Your profile is very comprehensive and takes quite a while to fill out so it wouldn't be fair to get you to do this then delete you just because your full membership expired.

However, If you don't use our site for absolutely ages (several months) then we may archive and eventually delete your details to save space. We'd try to email you notification and give you plenty of time to reactivate your account before this happened, though.  

I'm a free member - will you sell on my email to other companies?

There are 3 answers to this. No, no and no! We hate spam mail too. Even if you are too poor/mean/whatever to pay up and become a Full member we will treat your private details (e.g. email) with the same respect.

Are memberships subscriptions i.e. auto-rebilling?

1 month and 3 month = YES. This is really clearly stated on the payment pages before, during and after you pay.

How do I cancel my subscription?

This is easy and can be done instantly

  1. Go to the  

  2. Click next to the Membership Until display

You can cancel at any time during your membership - even 5 mins after signing up. When you cancel your membership will continue as a full member for the paid-for period then will revert to a free member

Can I have a refund?

We have a no-refund policy in our Terms and Conditions which all members must agree to before joining. We also don't know of any dating sites that offer refunds - so it's not just us being mean. 

If we're at fault and screwed up in some significant way then we'll happily give you a refund e.g. we accidentally deleted your messages or you requested cancelling your subscription and we were late doing it (happens very rarely). No problem - we're at fault have your money back and an apology.

However for other things like

"No one contacted me"'re supposed to be proactive and send messages to other members not just wait to be emailed

"I haven't used the site" or "I forgot about my subscription"
...we're sorry but that's not our fault. 

We are usually happy to extend your membership or let you transfer it to a friend, though - please feel free to ask about this.



I need a break - how can I put stop appearing on the site for a while? 

Go 'On hold' - see below...

How do I put my membership 'On hold'?

Whilst 'On hold' you will not show up in search results and members cannot look at your profile. You can stay 'On hold' for as long as you like. Members typically go 'On hold' if they are busy, going on a long holiday or have met someone who they like and don't want any new introductions.

  1. Click

  2. Click


What are the different membership status settings?

 removes you from most search lists but people can still message you. Passive = a good idea if you're inundated with too many messages. 

Note for free members: Full members can choose to look at (+contact) Free members who are passive if they wish to. Also you can still be included in Yes-No-Maybe system. If you want a more private 'pick and choose' membership then you need to both upgrade and go 'Passive'.  

 removes you from search lists and stops messages: Good if you've met someone but not quite ready to delete your profile.
Works exactly the same if you are a free or full member. 

is the default setting and means you show up in search lists so that people know you are actively dating and can contact you.


How do I opt out of email newsletter and other emailings?

  1. Click

  2. Click

We really appreciate if you can do this rather than emailing us saying 'UNSUBSCRIBE' (or similar) as it isn't obvious if 'UNSUBSCRIBE' means just stop the Newsletter or if means you want your membership/profile deleting entirely

Also, you need your password to log in to our site, which gives you a safeguard against people tampering with your account e.g. getting it deleted by sending in a bogus message. .


How do I permanently terminate my membership?

If you're on hold then people can't see your details or send you email. However, you can re-activate whenever you wish. If you terminate your membership then all your profile details are permanently erased.

  1. Click

  2. Click

How do I adjust other settings of my account? e.g. Privacy, Email stuff, etc.

  1. Click

  2. Click

We've included lots of options so you can fine tune your account to how you want it to work. For example you can decide if it's:

  • OK to receive HTML email
  • OK to receive members' messages via email
  • OK to receive messages from matchmaking consultants
  • OK to receive Newsletter
  • OK for non members to see my profile
  • OK for members to send my mini profile to friends
  • SPAM filtering level for foreign profiles

Email Filtering: What is 'Foreign Babe' filtering?

We know this is a somewhat strange name for one of our main email filter options ...but it is quite apt.

Our site is largely UK+Ireland but not strictly so. The benefit of this is we do get lots of cool, interesting and educated people from abroad joining. The downside is that we also get some profiles that look somewhat 'borderline'. If a profile is definitely dodgy (e.g. spammer/scammer) we ban it. The problem is with some foreign profiles we can't tell - the person might well be genuine, just not brilliant  - or bothered - at writing a full profile in perfect English.

On one hand many members do not want to receive email from profiles like this and write in to tell us how they are devaluing the site when they get emailed by these members.

On the other hand lots of members really do like to get messages from these profiles. As far as they are concerned they want to be treated like 'Adults' and decide for themselves if the person merits writing back to. If we aut0-block their messages they get annoyed.

Whilst the name does conjure up a 25 year old female living in Eastern Europe it does apply to both men and women of all ages. We do get quite a lot of 40 or 50 something handsome guys from Turkey, Algeria, Greece, USA, etc who we tag as 'Foreign babe'. We can't tell if they are genuine or not in the early stages of their membership. 

STANDARD filtering will send 'Foreign Babe' email to your SPAM folder on the site. Therefore these messages will be available if you wnat to read them - but we don't notify you be email when they are sent. This is the default setting as we cannot tell what your attitude to receiving these messages is.

MINIMAL filtering will mean you get 'Foreign Babe' messages in your Inbox plus email notifications when it is sent. So if you do want to get messages like this then you should set your filter to MINIMAL

NO FOREIGN BABES: Does as the name suggests and means you should not be annoyed by emails from these type of profiles. 


What are 'Favourite' members?

These are members whose profile you like and want to save for later.

To add someone to you 'Favourites' list simply press the  button on their profile. 

The button will then change to and if you click it again it will remove the person from your 'Favourites' list

To review your favourites:

  1. on main menu

  2. Click

What is all this Yes-No-Maybe 'Tagging' about ?

Please see our separate FAQ Help page on this - HELP: Yes-No-Maybe Tagging




I've forgotten my password

On the login screen press the link for and you can have your password reminder displayed or your password emailed to you.

Make sure you haven't accidentally put CAPS LOCK on. If there is still a problem then email us from the email address that you specified when you joined up quoting your username.   

The site doesn't work / I can't log in

Over 90% or people that report that our site 'Is not working' turn out to have a problem with their ISP or with their browser. So, 

1. Make sure that you can access other Internet sites OK. Go to Google and do a search - if it works your Internet Connection is OK.

2. Make sure your browser accepts 'cookies' - these are an essential part of the security of our site. On Internet Explorer you set cookies by going to 'Tools' menu, then 'Options' then the 'Privacy' Tab. We suggest you specify our website URL as a 'trusted' site. Alternatively, decrease the 'Privacy' setting to the minimum and all cookies will be accepted. Note 'Privacy' is different to 'Security' - we do not recommend you decrease your 'Security Settings'

3. Make sure you have a relatively up to date browser (e.g. Chrome, Firefox or Internet Explorer).

Please do Contact Us if you have a problem you can't resolve after reading these FAQs. There is a Contact Us link at the bottom of every page

My changes don't appear to be saved!

This is nearly always down to "Caching" "Caching"...

When you retrieve a page from the Internet your browser usually checks your hard drive to see if you've loaded this page before. If so it retrieves the page from your hard drive because it's quicker than getting a fresh copy from the Internet.

The problem with caching is if the page has changed since the last time you viewed it - you may end up being shown an outdated page from your hard drive if your browser does not check for updates. Your browser may be setup not to check for updates - to establish this on Internet Explorer...

'Tools' menu, select 'Internet Options' then in the Temporary Internet Files section select 'Settings' and make sure it is set to 'Automatic' or 'Every visit to a page'

Make sure you next log in from the Main entrance to the site NOT from any other links on emails or your favourites.

If this doesn't work it may be that your browser is corrupted/flaky. We suggest you reinstall/upgrade it. Don't worry - browsers are free.